BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.
DONALD Trump has pulled the US out of the liberal consensus of having a ‘2’ at the beginning of the year.
DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.
A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.
BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.
TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.
A GROUP of middle-class ‘urban foragers’ were forced to use a supermarket to acquire food that was actually edible, it has emerged.
A COUPLE are claiming that their furniture is placed based on Chinese principles of harmonious living, not where the plug sockets are.
A FAMILY have spent the holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute f**king hammering.
THE recent sunny weather has lead to a sharp increase in dickheads going to the park.
ANY lay-by, alleyway or domestic garden that does not display a ‘No Fly Tipping’ sign is open for fly-tipping, local authorities have confirmed.