A WEEPING Jeremy Clarkson says he is only glad that he will not live to see the self-driving electric car dystopia that Britain will become.
BRITAIN will experience a lot of rain over the next few weeks because that is what happens at this time of year.
THE UK’s coming food shortages will make the nation’s allotment gardeners into the undisputed rulers of the country, experts predicted.
AN ICEBERG that has broken away from Antarctica is four times the size of London and also four times more hospitable, experts have confirmed.
DRIVERS of London’s new electric black cabs will spout intolerant, reactionary views about people who damage the environment, they have promised.
THE Lake District has gone right up itself since gaining World Heritage status, England’s other beauty spots have agreed.
A CURVACEOUS lady crab has been photographed soaking up the sun on Brighton beach.
IT'S SUMMER, the sun is blazing down, and it's nice and hot. Or is it too hot? Take our test to find out.
A MAN has postponed putting his rubbish out once again by ramming down the contents of his kitchen bin and then lying about it.
THE divide between Britain being ridiculously, painfully hot and absolutely fucking freezing is starker than ever, meteorologists have confirmed.
EVERYTHING in the UK now has some glitter on it because of Glastonbury, it has been confirmed.
AS SUMMER in Britain comes to an end, experts confirmed the four days of consecutive sunshine was a new record.