Tesco to scrap ‘best before’ dates because they are bollocks

TESCO is getting rid of ‘best before’ dates on fruit and vegetables because they are all made up by a bloke in packaging anyway.

The supermarket has admitted the dates are a random mixture of staff birthdays and rough guesses about when food will turn manky.

A Tesco spokesman said: “We’ve decided we should stop people throwing out perfectly good food just because it’s Steve in the warehouse’s birthday or something.  

“We only put ‘best before’ dates on to look as if we’ve got a sophisticated scientific system, but a staff member may have just used some random digits from their mobile phone number.

“Quite frankly if you haven’t noticed an orange is covered in green mould you’ve got more to worry about than our packaging policy.

“We are firmly committed to reducing food waste. However when it comes to placing fruit and vegetables in pointless plastic packaging, we’ll be doing that until the ice caps have melted.”

Food safety expert Tom Booker said: “As a general rule of thumb, if food tastes like shit it’s probably past its best.

“Apart from kale. That tastes like shit anyway.”