£50m Campaign On How To Go To The Toilet

HEALTH minister Andy Kerr today launched a multi-million pound initiative to teach Scots how to go to the lavatory.

"Every year sub-standard toilet use costs the NHS £2.4 billion," said Kerr. "If Scotland is going to compete in the global market place we all need to learn how to go to the toilet."

He added: "The £50 million we are spending on booklets, TV adverts, interactive games, residential training courses and home visits will help us shed the image of the Bad Toilet Using Man of Europe."

Key toilet facts:

  • This is what the French use. Un-believable

    Women should remember to sit down when they urinate and ensure the toilet seat is in position to prevent buttock injury.

  • Men should hold their penises lightly but firmly and direct the stream of urine in the direction of the appropriate receptacle such as a public urinal or a domestic 'pan'.

  • Men should remember to shake their penises at the end of urination to prevent 'seepage'.

  • Urinating into the sink may seem convenient but can lead to testicular damage and pulled hamstrings.

  • When expelling solids it is important not to strain as this can lead to hemorrhoids or 'piles'.

  • If you take reading matter into the toilet opt for a magazine rather than a novel as extended toilet sitting can cause thigh-based injuries.