A ‘freakshake’ is not Rees-Mogg being tasered, stress health campaigners

HEALTH campaigners have stressed that a ‘freakshake’ is not Jacob Rees-Mogg juddering uncontrollably as hundreds of volts surge through his body.

A spokesman for Action on Sweetness said: “After we put out the press release we realised that a lot of people had absolutely no idea what a ‘freakshake’ is and may be forced to come up with their own definition.

“It’s a big, syrupy milkshake with a cake in it. It’s not Rees-Mogg in the midst of a right good tasering from a righteous but over-enthusiastic copper.”

The spokesman added: “Rees-Mogg is incredibly bad for you. Unfortunately the only people who can really put a stop to him are his constituents in North Somerset.

“As far as we understand he is either related to or owns most of them, so don’t hold your breath.”