Alcohol To Carry ‘Shitfaced’ Warning

BOTTLES and cans of alcohol are to carry labels warning consumers they could end up shitfaced.

Many people are still ignorant of the effects of drinking an absolutely enormous amount of whisky

The move comes as figures reveal a massive 1.3% of the UK population are unable to handle a night on the sauce.

Other measures include allowing health secretary Alan Johnson to set the price of Drambuie as well as a ban on clinking glasses and saying 'cheers'.

From next April pubs and bars will also be required to serve a bag of vomit with every other pint or large glass of wine.

The Department of Health said it considered a range of messages including  'Monkey Juice', 'Puke-Tastic' and the hard-hitting 'You Die Now!'.

A spokesman added: "There are many different ways of communicating the message, but we reckon 'shitfaced' pretty much does the business.

"We don't want to stop people from having a good time – well, we do – but we don't want to get all arsey about it just yet.

"If 'shitfaced' doesn't work we will legislate to ensure all alcohol bottles carry a special magic mirror that will show you what you look like when you're dead."

Meanwhile ministers are expected to publish research next week which suggests drinking alcohol around other people can give them lung cancer.