Detox doing bugger all

A 43-YEAR-OLD man doing a detox to feel better has admitted that, 11 days in, it appears to be doing absolutely fuck all. 

Tom Logan has given up alcohol, cigarettes and recreational drug use for January but is still confronted with a knackered ghost with bags under its eyes when he looks in the mirror.

He said: “I should be feeling some improvement by now, shouldn’t I? A little bit?

“On January 1st I felt so dreadful that I decided that was it, I’d stop punishing myself and stop feeling so exhausted and moody and depressed all the time, because that’s the booze that does that.

“I thought ten days in, all the poisons will be making their way out of my system and I’d be bouncing out of bed, raring to go, fresh-faced and full of natural energy.

“But instead I feel just as awful except now the evenings last forever and I’ve got nothing to look forward to. Oh and it turns out the wife and I don’t get on.

“I’ll give it until the 19th, but if I’m not feeling and looking at least ten years younger by then I’m getting shitfaced.”