OAP Singles Not Mad, Just Naked

TALKING to yourself and walking around the house in the nude does not mean you are insane, elderly single people said last night.

Celebrating 10 years of wearing nothing but a hat

As new evidence suggests being single increases the risk of senile dementia, OAPs said the researchers may have confused the symptoms of mental illness with the classic signs of not giving a shit.

Emily Benson, 73, a retired assistant bank manager from Hastings, said: "I spent my entire working life talking to idiots.

"It was only when I got home that I could finally take all my clothes off and have a decent conversation.

"I used to enjoy talking to myself in the nude about politics, but recent conversations have revealed a growing scepticism about global warming, though sometimes, I admit, I do talk out of my arse."

She added: "I'd like to know what's so sane about living with someone who can only eat soup, screams at the telly whenever he sees a Chinaman and shits in a bag."

Bill McKay, 77, a retired surveyor from Edinburgh, said: "On Thursdays I like to rub my bare bum across the carpet for an hour and then work on my impersonation of Tina Turner doing Nutbush City Limits.

"And then of course, there's the orgasms, which I can assure you, are frequent and fabulous."