Health
Big-hearted man would be pregnant for a week
A FATHER-TO-BE would love to share the highs and lows of pregnancy by being pregnant for a whole week, he has revealed.
Please, please stop us drinking beer in airports at 6am, say Britons
BRITISH air travellers will accept any regulation that stops them drinking full pints in airport bars at 6am, they have confirmed.
Office workers advised to run away
UNHEALTHY office staff have been advised to get out of their chairs and run from their workplace, never to return.
NHS to recruit debutante heiress nurses
STUDENT nurses are to be recruited from the society pages of Tatler after the withdrawal of bursaries.
Hunt stays as Health Secretary after May decides she hates everyone in Britain
JEREMY Hunt will remain as Health Secretary because the prime minister is a misanthropic lunatic, it has been confirmed.
Britain’s short-term transition plan involves alcohol
THE UK has announced that its immediate plan for cushioning the economic and social shockwaves of Brexit involves gin, wine and lager.
Leaving a tiny bit of booze in bottom of glass ‘prevents alcoholism’
NOT completely finishing the alcohol you were drinking proves you do not have a drink problem, Britons believe.
Nights drawing in now, say grans
IT WILL soon be dark in the evenings again, according to Britain’s grandmothers.
- Hangovers now include terrifying existential dread, discover over-35s
- Exercise definitely paying off, says permanently injured man
- Stupidity best cure for anxiety
- Smoker worried by hair in pouch of tobacco that already contains formaldehyde
- Oh no darling, will you have less holiday? say straight-faced parents
