AN OFFICE worker has announced that she would rather not consider the amount of coffee she drinks in pints because it would sound rather grim.
SUPERMARKET customers cannot grasp hygiene concepts such as not manhandling bread then putting it back on the shelf, it has emerged.
A MAN who thinks he is unwell has gone to the doctor instead of typing his symptoms into Google.
CHILDREN can once again crack their heads open on concrete while swinging on rusted metal bars when the UK scraps EU protection laws.
THE monster formerly known as 'Honey Monster' has changed his name after beating his sugar addiction.
A GROWN man has announced that he will be having nothing more than a plate of chips for his dinner tonight.
THE average British pension will now fund one proper night out when you finally reach retirement, financial advisers have confirmed.
MIDDLE class children are in danger of regarding sourdough bread as normal, experts have warned.
HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’.
THE government is to make sex education compulsory for all UK citizens who are terrible at sex, it has confirmed.
NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.
MANY Britons wrongly assume they can still drink as much as they used to, it has emerged.