Health

NHS workers asked if they'd prefer a badge, a medal or a pay cut for being ungrateful

NHS employees have been asked if they would prefer a badge, a medal or a pay cut as punishment for not wanting a badge or a medal.

Man self-diagnoses as expert epidemiologist

A BORED man has officially read enough about coronavirus to name himself a top epidemiologist, he has confirmed.

Man feels eye pain exactly 45 seconds after reading it's a coronavirus symptom

A MAN who has just read that ‘eye pain’ can be a symptom of coronavirus is beginning to feel the first twinges of eye pain.

How to be a dick about exercising under lockdown

GOVERNMENT guidelines allow Britons under lockdown to leave the house to exercise. How can you pack every minute with high-fibre wankerishness?

How not to go insane in lockdown with your parents

HAVE you chosen to sit out the coronavirus crisis at your parents’ house? Here’s how to prevent their annoying habits driving you up the f**king wall.

Knobheads wondering what the virus is here to teach us

A GROWING number of unbearable arseholes believe that the pandemic devastating the world is ‘here to help us learn something about ourselves’.

Five things that obviously aren't spreading coronavirus

COUGHS, unwashed hands, and sharing enclosed spaces with other people all spread the coronavirus. These things obviously don’t.

Hands like sandpaper 'are the sexiest hands'

RAW, chapped hands are now the only hands Britons can bear to have touch them, they have confirmed.

How to feel like a coronavirus hero when you aren't one

YES, the NHS deserves a good clap but don’t you also deserve a pat on the back for the sacrifices you’ve made from your sofa? Here’s how to tell yourself you’re a corona hero too.

Five signs you're going stir-crazy

YOU'VE been stuck in the house for what feels like, what, 30 years now? So, there's a good chance that you've started to go stir crazy. Here's five signs to look out for.

Plan to get ripped with Joe Wicks abandoned after three days

A WOMAN’S plan to get fit with Joe Wicks has been abandoned after a mere three days and must never be spoken of again. 

Take the government's COVID-19 test

DO YOU have COVID-19? Take the official government multiple-choice test and find out.