Health
May tells GPs to offer Thai cooking classes
THERESA May has told GP surgeries to teach a range of evening classes to avoid closure.
Woman quietly swaps 'Veganuary' for 8kg of cheddar
A WOMAN who would not shut up about going vegan for a month has gorged herself on cheddar like an animal.
Hospitals not on fire yet, insists May
THERESA May has reminded everyone that the NHS has yet to burn to the ground.
Giving up alcohol, cigarettes and sugar simultaneously 'not a problem', experts insist
JANUARY is the perfect time to stop smoking and drinking alcohol while simultaneously eating healthily and taking up exercise, experts believe.
'Dry January' man accused of putting long-term health before mates
A MAN having a month off alcohol is putting his concerns about life expectancy before his mates, it has been claimed.
'Thank God 2016's over' laughs man who will break both legs next week
A MAN who will soon be in traction with two broken legs is really glad 2016 is behind him.
Woman 'living in moment' finds that unfortunately it is connected to other moments
A WOMAN’S attempts to live in the moment have been disrupted by the arrival of other moments.
Stupid and evil people live longest, happiest lives
THE secret to living a long, happy life is to be nasty, unintelligent or a combination of the two, research has found.
Woman already making space under stairs for bullshit healthy lifestyle gadget
A WOMAN who asked for a smoothie-maker for Christmas has found the perfect place for it to be stored and forgotten about.
Smoker stops fannying about with ridiculous 'vaping'
A SMOKER has stopped messing around with ‘e-cigarettes’ and gone back to the real thing.
Processed red meat found to sort you out
EATING large amounts of fried and processed red meat sorts you out, it has been confirmed.
Toddlers become spherical for winter
TODDLERS have expanded into their spherical outdoor forms for the winter months.