Health

Have you gone from joking about the coronavirus to quietly sh*tting yourself?

HAVE you gone from ridiculing media scare stories about the coronavirus to panicking that you’re going to die? Hide your fear with these tips.

Is it worth having a pension or would you be amazed if you lived that long?

EVERYONE should put money into a pension scheme but is it really worth it if you drink heavily, smoke daily and are casually reckless with your life choices? 

I'm having an emotional support wank, man tells wife

A MAN has claimed that his right to masturbate should be protected for his mental health.

Which insane fitness cult is right for you?

DO you long for an exercise regime that will take over your life? Read our guide to which all-consuming fitness cult you should bore your family, friends and strangers with.

Go on, p*ss off, gyms tell January joiners

EVERYONE who joined a gym in January has been emailed asking them to please stop attending if they have not already.

I am about to f**k up your life, says wisdom tooth

A WISDOM tooth has declared its intention to f**k up an unsuspecting man’s life.

How are you spunking away the last days of humanity?

THE coronavirus will soon reduce humanity to a tattered handful of survivors. But how will you waste your final days?

The six most pointless ways to panic about the coronavirus

THE coronavirus is on the other side of the world and experts are confident it will not affect you. So how are you losing your sh*t about it? 

40-year-old man unaware he has 40-year-old metabolism

A 40-YEAR-OLD man has not realised his metabolism has aged at the same rate as the rest of his increasingly flabby body.

Woman hoping to bounce back from decade of drinking and smoking with sheet mask

A 34-YEAR-OLD woman believes she can reverse the damage inflicted by years of fags and booze with a rejuvenating face mask.

How to secretly stuff your face when your partner's on a diet

YOUR partner’s dieting and you’re trying to be supportive but you’re bloody starving. Here’s how to stuff yourself without getting caught.

Is your body a temple or a dodgy kebab shop?

DO you treat your body like a beautiful temple or stuff it full of questionable meat and grease? See where you fall on the scale.