New jogger doing it all wrong

A MAN who has just started jogging is doing absolutely everything wrong.

Heroic man cycles to work even when it's raining

A TOTAL hero still cycles to work even when it is cold and raining, he has confirmed.

NHS gone

BRITAIN is watching the National Health Service being replaced by signs promising that an exciting new health provider is coming soon.

Man’s new diet mostly stopping having sugar in tea

A MAN is going on a pre-Christmas crash diet by no longer taking three spoons of sugar in his tea.

Your guide to going into hospital when the Americans have bought it

GOING into hospital is stressful at the best of times, so what will it be like when America has bought the NHS? Here’s a practical guide.

Parents try to work out which a*sehole kid started sick bug

PARENTS of children who have been vomiting all night are pointlessly trying to work out who is to blame.

We know the difference between wanking and running, fitness trackers confirm

A MANUFACTURER of leading fitness trackers has confirmed the product does not confuse going for a run and having one off the wrist.

Healthy breakfast eater’s life still shit

OFFICE worker Tom Logan’s life is still shit despite him eating a nutritious breakfast every day.

Your guide to lying about how much you smoke

DO you think you’re ‘cutting down’ by pretending to smoke less than you do? Here’s how to convince yourself and other people.

Baby's first memory is of mum dropping her phone on his head

A BABY’s earliest memory will be of his mother dropping her iPhone on his head when she was feeding him.

Lucky childless bastard gets to stay in bed when ill

A LUCKY bastard without kids was so sick he spent three uninterrupted days in bed recovering.

Colleague going around sneezing and touching things

AN office worker is going around sneezing and then blatantly touching things, co-workers have confirmed.