Health

Man joins gym to shed personality

A MAN has joined the gym with the aim of shedding as much of his personality as possible.

Rosé banned for the next seven months

THE consumption of rosé has been banned for the next seven months, pending a review at Easter.

The Rees-Mogg guide to making your own medicine

ON THURSDAY June 26th 2016 the UK voted, quite rightly, against keeping supply lines open for life-saving medicines, so it’s time to start making your own. Try these...

Woman personally offended that she still gets spots in her 30s

A WOMAN has confirmed that she considers it a personal attack that she still occasionally has spots despite being 34.

Loud sneezers told to get a f**king grip

LETTING rip with the deafening roar of a shotgun blast impresses absolutely no-one, loud sneezers have been informed.

Woman surprised not to be congratulated on weight gain

A WOMAN who liked all her friends’ weight loss posts on Facebook cannot understand why they have said nothing about her putting on 18 pounds.

Years of therapy unravelled in three-minute conversation with nephew

A WOMAN’S years of positive therapeutic work have been completely undone in one short conversation with her four-year-old nephew.

Kid perfectly fit and well all day has 6,000 ailments at bedtime

A GIRL who felt perfectly well all day long has suddenly developed 6,000 mystery illnesses at bedtime.

Woman goes to gym for good sit down

A WOMAN has once again spent several hours at her local gym doing anything except working out.

Consuming whatever you want secret to happy life and early death

RESEARCH has confirmed that consuming whatever you like, from steak to whiskey to cigarettes, will give you a largely happy and considerably shorter life.

What sort of anti-vaccine halfwit are you?

ARE you furious about plans to give the cancer-preventing HPV vaccine to 12-year-old boys? Find out exactly what type of anti-science b*llend you are.

How to use a public toilet without sitting on it

DOES the idea of placing your bare buttocks where a stranger’s bare buttocks have been make you shudder?