THE government is to make sex education compulsory for all UK citizens who are terrible at sex, it has confirmed.
NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.
MANY Britons wrongly assume they can still drink as much as they used to, it has emerged.
THE NHS must stop frittering money on fancy operations with all the latest equipment and drugs, ministers have claimed.
ORDINARY British tap water is now mostly ham, experts have confirmed.
A BALDING man has been acclaimed by friends for calling the moment to begin shaving his head just perfectly.
JEREMY Hunt has confirmed that solving the problems of the National Whatsiscalled Service is his key focus whenever he is not busy.
A FAMILY whose mother boasts of providing them with healthy, nutritious meals for £3 a day secretly spend £294 a week on junk food.
A WOMAN has instantly become a hideous crone upon reaching her 40th birthday.
THERESA May has told GP surgeries to teach a range of evening classes to avoid closure.
A WOMAN who would not shut up about going vegan for a month has gorged herself on cheddar like an animal.
THERESA May has reminded everyone that the NHS has yet to burn to the ground.
- Giving up alcohol, cigarettes and sugar simultaneously 'not a problem', experts insist
- 'Dry January' man accused of putting long-term health before mates
- 'Thank God 2016's over' laughs man who will break both legs next week
- Woman 'living in moment' finds that unfortunately it is connected to other moments