A GROWING number of unbearable arseholes believe that the pandemic devastating the world is ‘here to help us learn something about ourselves’.
COUGHS, unwashed hands, and sharing enclosed spaces with other people all spread the coronavirus. These things obviously don’t.
RAW, chapped hands are now the only hands Britons can bear to have touch them, they have confirmed.
YES, the NHS deserves a good clap but don’t you also deserve a pat on the back for the sacrifices you’ve made from your sofa? Here’s how to tell yourself you’re a corona hero too.
YOU'VE been stuck in the house for what feels like, what, 30 years now? So, there's a good chance that you've started to go stir crazy. Here's five signs to look out for.
A WOMAN’S plan to get fit with Joe Wicks has been abandoned after a mere three days and must never be spoken of again.
DO YOU have COVID-19? Take the official government multiple-choice test and find out.
MAINTAINING a distance of two metres from other people applies to everyone except joggers, joggers have agreed.
FEELING cooped up but still can’t be bothered to work out? Here’s how to exercise in a half-arsed way from your own home.
THE UK is now referring to the coronavirus as the 'f**king-corona-f**king-virus', or will also accept 'COVID-bastard-19'.
BUGGER. This is terribly bad news for both me and the country, but mainly me. Here’s how I intend to send the coronavirus packing.
STRUGGLING with older relatives who refuse to stay at home? Here’s how to make sure they’ll never leave the front door again.