Woman who ‘can’t help putting on weight’ is free energy machine

A WOMAN who claims to put on weight no matter how little she eats could solve the world’s energy crisis, it has emerged.

Pseudo-scientific diet fails to stop scientific illness

A WOMAN has contracted a stinking cold despite following a special diet based on wishful thinking.

Grateful nation salutes heavy drinkers

BRITAIN has paid tribute to the so-called ‘problem’ drinkers who have raised billions in tax revenue.

Poppers users wondering how else to get pounding headache

AMYL nitrate users are concerned about where they will get their instant headaches if it is made illegal. 

Millions of unsold Creme Eggs about to hatch

MILLIONS of unsold Creme Eggs are about to break open and release the hideous monsters inside, scientists have confirmed.

Junior doctors give up protest because they’re so f**king knackered

JUNIOR doctors have abandoned their strike action because they are just so f**king exhausted.

Beer has well-reasoned argument for why man should drink it

A BOTTLE of beer has given a surprisingly solid argument for why its owner should drink it.

UK to remain willfully ignorant of what 'alcohol unit' means

THE UK has happily accepted new drinking guidelines of 14 units a week because it has no idea what that means.