A SWIMMER has outwitted thieves at his local swimming baths by hiding his wallet and phone in his shoes.
A COUPLE whose dinner guests cancelled at the last minute experienced the kind of euphoria normally only achieved with recreational drugs.
EVERY Daily Mail story you read takes 30 minutes off your life, experts have revealed.
AS the sugar tax comes into force, millions of Britons are failing to declare the absolutely fucking massive amount they consume.
A WOMAN’s internal dilemma about whether to get up and have a wee has entered its second hour.
JEREMY Hunt has announced that the national health service is to be replaced by time, which heals all wounds at no cost to the taxpayer.
A MAN has suddenly realised he has been overweight for at least eight years.
BRITAIN has responded to a new anti-obesity drive by insisting that being a bit 'roly-poly' is all it has left.
A WOMAN clearing out laundry from her spare room has unearthed an original 1982 exercise bike believed to be one of the first in Britain.
A PREGNANT woman is experiencing overwhelming cravings for less stupid fucking questions about her pregnancy.
A WOMAN had been publicly shamed for her choice not to breastfeed despite not actually being a mother.
TWO men in a public toilet have each had to make a big display of washing their hands just because there was someone else there.