Health

Hospital parking charges now main cause of death

THE leading causes of death in the UK are paying for hospital parking spaces and paying fines for hospital parking spaces.

Couple locked in fierce competition to be the most knackered

A COUPLE will stop at nothing to prove to each other that they have had the more exhausting day.

Man refusing to work out in case he becomes too sexy

A MAN is refusing to exercise because it might increase his sexual magnetism to a level that is hazardous for others.

Woman now fully qualified in first aid and making people feel inadequate

A WOMAN who has completed a first aid course is now able to make other people feel pathetic for being useless in an emergency.

26-year-old believes 'millennial burnout' is a real thing

A MILLENNIAL genuinely believes her generation suffers unique pressures causing them to burn out at an early age, she has revealed.

Fitness tracker just a stupidly expensive albatross around man's wrist

A MAN'S fitness-tracking wristwatch has become the absolute bane of his life, he has admitted.

How to exercise when you f**king hate exercise

EXERCISE is hell, but a growing body of medical opinion links not exercising with getting so fat you die.

45-year-old man has been going through midlife crisis for 20 years

A 45-YEAR-OLD has confirmed that he has been going through his midlife crisis since around 1999.

Dickhead manages to get sunburnt in February

AN utter dickhead has achieved the rare feat of being badly sunburnt in Britain in February.

Child of anti-vaxxers sneaking out at night to do immunisations in the park

A CHILD whose parents are against vaccinations has been getting together with his friends at night and doing measles shots.

GP surgeries hoping patients either recover or drop dead while on hold

DOCTORS’ surgeries are hopeful that if they leave patients on hold for long enough they will either make a complete recovery or die.

The 'Have a Wank' guide to a good night's sleep

TROUBLE sleeping? We consulted doctors, psychotherapists, stress experts and your partner to find one simple solution stated in five different ways.