Health

'Definitely going for a run tomorrow' enters fifth year

A MAN who has been promising to "go for a run tomorrow" for five years definitely means it this time.

Woman confusing being very stressed with being very successful

A WOMAN who works long hours, never sees her friends and worries about her job constantly thinks she is doing very well at life, she has confirmed.

You have measles because daddy reads bullshit on the internet, child told

A CHILD with measles was told it is because daddy stays up late reading utter bullshit on the internet and bases decisions on that.

Woman who treated herself to takeaway now treating herself to six hours on toilet 

A WOMAN who treated herself to a ‘cheeky takeaway’ is subsequently indulging herself in a cheeky bout of gastroenteritis, she has confirmed.

Romantic wild swim ends in severe bout of the shits

A COUPLE who thought it would be romantic to swim naked in a tranquil river have ended up with a nasty dose of diarrhoea and some tetanus booster jabs.

Vaper confident that caramel-flavoured nicotine gas could never be detrimental to health

A VAPE user doesn’t believe that inhaling gallons of flavoured nicotine mist might be somehow be unhealthy.

How to pretend you do the recommended amount of exercise

Read our guide to convincing people you’re doing enough exercise.

Middle-aged people ask 'Generation Sensible' what it's like having sex sober

MIDDLE-AGED people have asked the younger fitness-obsessed generation what sex is like when you aren't drunk.