HELLO, we’re the government and this is what you should be doing over Christmas 2020.
THE residents of a Berkshire town are blaming the dirty bastards in their rival town for the restrictions placed on them.
NORTHERNERS have confirmed that they do not find London and the South-East’s tier 4 lockdown as Kent becomes a lorry park in any way amusing.
DESPITE a grim year of lockdown and restrictions, some people seem determined to carry on completely as normal. Check you’re not one of these tossers.
CONFUSED that an alteration of Covid rules is the same as the government cancelling Christmas, like the Puritans?
SUPERHERO fans has theorised that the new mutant Covid could be protecting us even though hated and feared by humanity, like the X-Men.
THE over-80s are celebrating receiving the Covid vaccine by going straight to a metal gig, drinking eight pints and hitting the moshpit.
HAD enough? Can’t be bothered anymore? Here are the astonishing health benefits of no longer trying.
A UNIVERSITY student has returned home for Christmas with an alternative and radical strain of the coronavirus, he has confirmed.
IDIOTS have been warned that merely ordering a vaccine does not make them immediately immune to Covid.
THE health secretary has confirmed that regions will only be able to move to a new coronavirus tier after a series of play-offs.
GREY days and long nights making you blue? You might be suffering from SAD, or this might just be the worst f**king winter of any of our lives.