The Government Guide to Christmas 2020

HELLO, we’re the government and this is what you should be doing over Christmas 2020.

Everyone in tier 4 town blaming rival tier 4 town

THE residents of a Berkshire town are blaming the dirty bastards in their rival town for the restrictions placed on them.

Northerners definitely not laughing

NORTHERNERS have confirmed that they do not find London and the South-East’s tier 4 lockdown as Kent becomes a lorry park in any way amusing.

Five types of idiot who still haven't noticed there's a deadly virus

DESPITE a grim year of lockdown and restrictions, some people seem determined to carry on completely as normal. Check you’re not one of these tossers.

How to have a self-righteous shit fit about Christmas being cancelled

CONFUSED that an alteration of Covid rules is the same as the government cancelling Christmas, like the Puritans?

Mutant Covid could protect us against evil Covid like the X-Men

SUPERHERO fans has theorised that the new mutant Covid could be protecting us even though hated and feared by humanity, like the X-Men.

Over-80s get vaccinated, get shitfaced and hit moshpit

THE over-80s are celebrating receiving the Covid vaccine by going straight to a metal gig, drinking eight pints and hitting the moshpit.

The mental and physical health benefits of giving up completely

HAD enough? Can’t be bothered anymore? Here are the astonishing health benefits of no longer trying.

Student returns home with quirky, individual strain of Covid

A UNIVERSITY student has returned home for Christmas with an alternative and radical strain of the coronavirus, he has confirmed.

Announcement of vaccine not the same as being vaccinated, idiots told

IDIOTS have been warned that merely ordering a vaccine does not make them immediately immune to Covid.

Changes of Covid tier to be decided by play-offs

THE health secretary has confirmed that regions will only be able to move to a new coronavirus tier after a series of play-offs.

Have you got Seasonal Affective Disorder or is this the worst winter ever?

GREY days and long nights making you blue? You might be suffering from SAD, or this might just be the worst f**king winter of any of our lives.