Health

Man suddenly realises he's been sucking his stomach in for eight years

A MAN has suddenly realised he has been overweight for at least eight years.

Being a bit chunky is all we've got left, says Britain 


BRITAIN has responded to a new anti-obesity drive by insisting that being a bit 'roly-poly' is all it has left.

Antique exercise bike discovered under pile of laundry 

A WOMAN clearing out laundry from her spare room has unearthed an original 1982 exercise bike believed to be one of the first in Britain.

Pregnant woman experiencing cravings for less stupid f**king questions about pregnancy

A PREGNANT woman is experiencing overwhelming cravings for less stupid fucking questions about her pregnancy.

Woman condemned for failing to breastfeed despite not having children

A WOMAN had been publicly shamed for her choice not to breastfeed despite not actually being a mother.

Men in public toilet only washing hands because someone's looking

TWO men in a public toilet have each had to make a big display of washing their hands just because there was someone else there.

Only thing that causes cancer is fags, Britain tells scientists

SMOKING is the only thing that causes cancer and everything else is fine, Britain has told annoying scientists.

Woman hires Mafia hitman to execute her if she doesn’t stick to diet

A WOMAN has ensured she will keep to her health regime by paying a hitman to shoot her if she fails to lose three stone by the end of June.