Fitness tracker just a stupidly expensive albatross around man's wrist

A MAN'S fitness-tracking wristwatch has become the absolute bane of his life, he has admitted.

How to exercise when you f**king hate exercise

EXERCISE is hell, but a growing body of medical opinion links not exercising with getting so fat you die.

45-year-old man has been going through midlife crisis for 20 years

A 45-YEAR-OLD has confirmed that he has been going through his midlife crisis since around 1999.

Dickhead manages to get sunburnt in February

AN utter dickhead has achieved the rare feat of being badly sunburnt in Britain in February.

Child of anti-vaxxers sneaking out at night to do immunisations in the park

A CHILD whose parents are against vaccinations has been getting together with his friends at night and doing measles shots.

GP surgeries hoping patients either recover or drop dead while on hold

DOCTORS’ surgeries are hopeful that if they leave patients on hold for long enough they will either make a complete recovery or die.

The 'Have a Wank' guide to a good night's sleep

TROUBLE sleeping? We consulted doctors, psychotherapists, stress experts and your partner to find one simple solution stated in five different ways.

Woman's only winter cardio is pulling her tights up

A WOMAN has admitted that hoisting her sagging tights back up is her key workout for the winter months.

The six most middle-class ways of exercising

Boot camp in the park: What could possibly be more middle-class than taking a communal area for the leisure of all and commandeering it for your personal use?

Middle-aged man with hefty boobs still calling them 'pecs'

A MIDDLE aged man still believes his manboobs are just well-developed pectoral muscles.

Man disappointed 'self-care' doesn't involve more wanking

A MAN has been disappointed to find that ‘self-care’ does not involve much, or in fact any, masturbation.

Woman unable to go running because her headphones are broken

A WOMAN was forced to abandon her plans to go for a run after discovering her headphones were broken.