Health

Brexiters first: the order in which Britain will be given the vaccine and why

THE government has announced the order in which a Covid vaccine will be administered to Britain’s population. Find out where you are on the list.

Brave anti-vaxxer to be vaccinated to prove it's bollocks

A HEROIC anti-vaxxer has volunteered to be injected with the new vaccine to expose the Covid conspiracy for the lie that it is.

Success of lockdown 'entirely dependent on everyone actually doing it'

SCIENTISTS have put forward the controversial theory that lockdowns only work if the public actually bothers to f**king observe them.

Government to ignore breakthrough vaccine for one designed by old Oxford chum that doesn't work

THE UK government has greeted news of a viable Covid-19 vaccine by ordering a different one made by an old schoolfriend with a zero per cent success rate.

Getting up to open another bottle and five other exercise tips for Lockdown 2

NO ONE is going to put up with Joe Wicks a second time around, so how are we all going to stay in shape? Here are some exercise tips for people who are royally f**ked off with Covid.

Lockdown 2: The Sequel, ranked against all the other sequels

LOCKDOWN 2 has arrived just months after the end of the widely acclaimed first lockdown, but will it be a Ghostbusters 2 or an Aliens? Check our rankings:

'Can I still go to raves, travel abroad, and hook up with strangers?' asks f**kwit

AN utterly clueless f**kwit has asked a series of moronic questions about how they can behave under England lockdown.

Five shit things Britons do every bloody lockdown

STOCKPILING toilet paper is now a biannual tradition, and it’s just the start of our reliable lockdown idiocy.

Overweight pisshead placing a lot of faith in multivitamin tablet

A MAN has begun taking a daily multivitamin tablet in the optimistic hope that it will compensate for a lifetime of strong lager and lamb rogan josh.

Yorkshire and Lancashire having pointless Tier 3 rivalry

PEOPLE from Yorkshire and Lancashire are demanding their Covid restrictions are tougher than those in their rival county.

Man is tier 3 in week but tier 1 on weekends

A MAN has explained that during the week he lives a locked-down tier 3 lifestyle but at the weekends he treats himself to living like a tier 1.

'Can I have sex with my neighbour's cat?': Your Tier 3 questions answered

AS millions of Britons prepare for Tier 3 lockdown, are you still confused about what you’re allowed to do? Here are all your questions answered.