Health

Highway Maintenance van loves shitting up other motorists

A HIGHWAY Maintenance driver has admitted that making BMWs panic when they mistake him for the police is the best part of his job.

Scottish drinkers can now only buy Frosty Jack's with Bitcoin

IF YOU want to buy a bottle of Frosty Jack’s cider in Scotland you can now only pay for it with Bitcoin, it has been confirmed.

90% of woman's workout is taking gym selfies

THE majority of a woman’s workout is lifting her iPhone in order to take pictures of herself working out.  

5k run adds 30 minutes to your life but takes 40 minutes

A FIVE kilometre run adds 30 minutes to your life but takes 40 minutes, health experts have confirmed.

Cunning swimmer outwits thieves by concealing wallet and phone in shoes

A SWIMMER has outwitted thieves at his local swimming baths by hiding his wallet and phone in his shoes.

Couple experience MDMA-type high after friends cancel at last minute

A COUPLE whose dinner guests cancelled at the last minute experienced the kind of euphoria normally only achieved with recreational drugs.

Every Daily Mail story takes 30 minutes off your life

EVERY Daily Mail story you read takes 30 minutes off your life, experts have revealed.

Millions of Britons fiddling their sugar tax

AS the sugar tax comes into force, millions of Britons are failing to declare the absolutely fucking massive amount they consume.  

Internal struggle over whether to get out of bed for wee enters second hour

A WOMAN’s internal dilemma about whether to get up  and have a wee has entered its second hour.

Time much less expensive way to heal all wounds than NHS, says Hunt

JEREMY Hunt has announced that the national health service is to be replaced by time, which heals all wounds at no cost to the taxpayer.

Man suddenly realises he's been sucking his stomach in for eight years

A MAN has suddenly realised he has been overweight for at least eight years.

Being a bit chunky is all we've got left, says Britain 


BRITAIN has responded to a new anti-obesity drive by insisting that being a bit 'roly-poly' is all it has left.