Health

You have measles because daddy reads bullshit on the internet, child told

A CHILD with measles was told it is because daddy stays up late reading utter bullshit on the internet and bases decisions on that.

Woman who treated herself to takeaway now treating herself to six hours on toilet 

A WOMAN who treated herself to a ‘cheeky takeaway’ is subsequently indulging herself in a cheeky bout of gastroenteritis, she has confirmed.

Romantic wild swim ends in severe bout of the shits

A COUPLE who thought it would be romantic to swim naked in a tranquil river have ended up with a nasty dose of diarrhoea and some tetanus booster jabs.

Vaper confident that caramel-flavoured nicotine gas could never be detrimental to health

A VAPE user doesn’t believe that inhaling gallons of flavoured nicotine mist might be somehow be unhealthy.

How to pretend you do the recommended amount of exercise

Read our guide to convincing people you’re doing enough exercise.

Middle-aged people ask 'Generation Sensible' what it's like having sex sober

MIDDLE-AGED people have asked the younger fitness-obsessed generation what sex is like when you aren't drunk.

Teenage boys enter chrysalis stage

ACROSS the UK, teenager boys have finished school for the summer and built the chrysalises in which they will spend the next six weeks.

Man who thought hay fever was a load of bollocks gets hay fever

A MAN who believed hay fever was a trivial ailment that wimps enjoy complaining about has changed his mind after getting it himself.

Man thinking about training for marathon drives three minutes to Tesco for pint of milk again

A MAN who claims he is seriously considering a 26 mile run can barely get off his arse to walk to the shops.

Are you drinking enough water? No, but take our test anyway

ARE you drinking enough water? Of course not. Doctors or fitness experts or whatever recommend you drink at least 18 litres of water a day. But why not take our test to confirm it?

Everybody quietly taking up smoking again

THE world's ex-smokers have all quietly taken up the habit again because why not, researchers has found.

Man who thought he had World Cup fever actually has malaria

A MAN who diagnosed himself as having 'World Cup fever' has actually got malaria, his doctors have confirmed.