Health

Couple experience MDMA-type high after friends cancel at last minute

A COUPLE whose dinner guests cancelled at the last minute experienced the kind of euphoria normally only achieved with recreational drugs.

Every Daily Mail story takes 30 minutes off your life

EVERY Daily Mail story you read takes 30 minutes off your life, experts have revealed.

Millions of Britons fiddling their sugar tax

AS the sugar tax comes into force, millions of Britons are failing to declare the absolutely fucking massive amount they consume.  

Internal struggle over whether to get out of bed for pee enters second hour

A WOMAN’s internal dilemma about whether to get up  and have a wee has entered its second hour.

Time much less expensive way to heal all wounds than NHS, says Hunt

JEREMY Hunt has announced that the national health service is to be replaced by time, which heals all wounds at no cost to the taxpayer.

Man suddenly realises he's been sucking his stomach in for eight years

A MAN has suddenly realised he has been overweight for at least eight years.

Being a bit chunky is all we've got left, says Britain 


BRITAIN has responded to a new anti-obesity drive by insisting that being a bit 'roly-poly' is all it has left.

Antique exercise bike discovered under pile of laundry 

A WOMAN clearing out laundry from her spare room has unearthed an original 1982 exercise bike believed to be one of the first in Britain.

Pregnant woman experiencing cravings for less stupid f**king questions about pregnancy

A PREGNANT woman is experiencing overwhelming cravings for less stupid fucking questions about her pregnancy.

Woman condemned for failing to breastfeed despite not having children

A WOMAN had been publicly shamed for her choice not to breastfeed despite not actually being a mother.

Men in public toilet only washing hands because someone's looking

TWO men in a public toilet have each had to make a big display of washing their hands just because there was someone else there.

Only thing that causes cancer is fags, Britain tells scientists

SMOKING is the only thing that causes cancer and everything else is fine, Britain has told annoying scientists.