Health

Couple who ‘only smoke when drinking’ drinking a lot

A COUPLE who claim to only to have the occasional cigarette with a glass of wine appear to be drinking six nights a week, friends have noticed.

Obese people just need cookery classes, claims patronising arsehole

DOCTORS have been ordered to refer obese patients to cookery classes by a horrendously patronising posh arsehole in government somewhere.

Women go off sex because it is silly

WOMEN lose interest in sex during long-term relationships because the whole thing is just silly, a survey has found.

Former raver can no longer handle Red Bull

A MIDDLE-AGED former raver can no longer cope with the physical and psychological effects of a can of Red Bull, he has admitted.

Junior doctor accompanied by 12 medical students tells patient to 'relax'

A PATIENT surrounded by a junior doctor and a crowd of eager young medical students has been told to 'just relax'.

Hunt uses same plumber who installed NHS IT system

JEREMY Hunt has paid £44,000 for a shower room in his office after employing the same plumber who installed the NHS computer system.

Contaminated eggs give you an egg for a head

CONTAMINATED eggs will replace your entire head with the smooth, featureless ellipse of an egg, scientists have warned.

Northerners dying younger to avoid Last of the Summer Wine

NORTHERN men are dying younger to avoid three decades of light-hearted tomfoolery around the Yorkshire Dales.