A DOCTOR'S receptionist takes every single patient who successfully manages to see a doctor as a painful personal defeat, she has admitted.
MAKING sweeping judgements about other people’s lives based entirely on their shopping is the key to personal happiness, it has been confirmed.
OWNING a Facebook account does not mean you can give all your friends dodgy medical advice, doctors have warned.
BRITISH tobacco warnings will be replaced by Australian ‘You probably won’t get cancer, mate, but go easy in case’ warnings in the event of a no-deal Brexit.
A WOMAN has congratulated herself on hitting her daily goal of 10,000 steps by going on a special excursion to the chip shop.
A WOMAN who went to see her GP because she had a bit of sniffle was outraged that the waiting room was full of people.
A YOGA teacher has finally mastered the challenging move of pretending to have a fully-functioning life outside yoga classes.
A MAN who has been promising to "go for a run tomorrow" for five years definitely means it this time.
A WOMAN who works long hours, never sees her friends and worries about her job constantly thinks she is doing very well at life, she has confirmed.
A CHILD with measles was told it is because daddy stays up late reading utter bullshit on the internet and bases decisions on that.
A WOMAN who treated herself to a ‘cheeky takeaway’ is subsequently indulging herself in a cheeky bout of gastroenteritis, she has confirmed.
A COUPLE who thought it would be romantic to swim naked in a tranquil river have ended up with a nasty dose of diarrhoea and some tetanus booster jabs.