A MAN has noticed that everything in his shopping basket is cheese, has cheese on it or will have cheese somehow added to it.
A MAN who has taken up boxing so he can tell people he is a boxer admitted he is basically paying money to get punched in the face.
ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.
PLANS to ask patients about their sexuality mean doctors’ surgeries will become debauched sex clubs full of perverts, old people believe.
A BABY girl has confirmed that 'self-soothing' as a way to get her to settle at night is a load of bollocks.
CHILDHOOD obesity is not as serious an issue as all the knobheads droning about how it proves Britain has gone to the dogs, experts believe.
A HUNCHED, shuffling red-nosed man sitting alone in Wetherspoons at 9.45am staring at a half-drunk pint is under 30, it has emerged.
BRITONS are not at risk of salmonella from eating runny eggs though they will still sicken anyone forced to watch, a watchdog has confirmed.
THE government has told people to watch BBC soap Doctors before calling their GP just in case the show includes a storyline about their condition.
A WOMAN who believes in calling out prejudice in any situation decided not to say anything to the bigoted beauty therapist removing her pubic hair.
THE Conservatives have perfected a new, vote-winning policy that everyone must have porridge for breakfast.
SMOKERS have reclaimed their rightful ownership of all outdoor territory surrounding pubs following a drop in temperature.