Health

Hunt jealous of hackers who were able to cripple NHS in just 20 minutes

JEREMY Hunt is bitterly jealous of the cyber attackers who brought the NHS to its knees.

Never having to do PE again is best part of being an adult

A WOMAN who often despairs at the state of the world finds comfort in the fact that she never has to do PE again.

Couple who spent their 20s guzzling ecstasy ban toxic cleaning products from home

A COUPLE who would take anything going for at least a decade now refuse to have any ‘harmful’ chemicals in their house.

Yoga mat enters fifth year behind sofa

A YOGA mat has celebrated its fifth anniversary of being bought then stuck immediately behind the sofa.

Woman who just created whole new human couldn’t give a shit about her weight

A WOMAN is too busy marvelling at her ability to create actual human beings to worry about restoring ‘pre-baby body’, she has confirmed.

Tonight the perfect night to do E, confirm doctors

DOCTORS have recommended dropping ecstacy this evening to leave yourself plenty of time for a leisurely recovery.

Cyclists handed yet another reason to think they’re better than you

THE news that cycling cuts the risk of cancer by half has given cyclists another reason to be insufferably smug, it has emerged.

Man deeply disillusioned with state of world may just be hungry

A 27-YEAR-OLD man is either in profound despair over the chaos, injustice and insanity of the world today, or just hungry.

Woman unsure if she is meditating or just bored

A WOMAN who recently took up meditation cannot tell if she has reached a higher spiritual plane or is just incredibly bored.

Office worker doesn't like to measure her coffee intake in pints

AN OFFICE worker has announced that she would rather not consider the amount of coffee she drinks in pints because it would sound rather grim.

Supermarket shoppers baffled by basic hygiene

SUPERMARKET customers cannot grasp hygiene concepts such as not manhandling bread then putting it back on the shelf, it has emerged.

Man goes to doctor instead of looking it up on internet

A MAN who thinks he is unwell has gone to the doctor instead of typing his symptoms into Google.