Try Not To Vomit On Each Other, Say Docs

OFFICE workers can halt the spread of the winter vomiting virus by not vomiting on each other, doctors said last night.

This photo of Harriet Harman won't exactly help

NHS Direct issued urgent advice amid predictions there was going to be loads and loads of sick everywhere.

Dr Tom Logan, chairman of the department of health's vomit committee, said: "The quickest way for this virus to spread is for you to go into work while you're infected and start puking all over everyone's desks.

"The chances are you'll also have chucked-up over all the people on the bus and have left little puddles of sick between the bus stop and the office."

Dr Logan added: "I know you really want to come into work while you're being turned inside out, but the fact is you're not helping. Indeed, I would go so far as to say you are vomit's accomplice.

"So the key thing we have to remember here is: Don't keep vomiting over everybody.

"Instead, stay at home, watch telly, drink plenty of luke warm yoghurt and direct your jet of sick into a basin."

How to tell if you have the winter vomiting virus – a four point guide from The Daily Mash:

1. Are you vomiting?
2. Are you still vomiting?
3. Are you thinking that you're never going to stop vomiting?
4. Are you now wallowing in a terrifyingly huge amount of vomit?

You have the winter vomiting virus. Well done.