International
I'm not leaving until you've bought some missiles, May tells Africa
THERESA May has vowed not to leave Africa until everyone has bought at least one British missile.
Fake news media having a particularly busy day
THE fake news media is busily reporting all kinds of lies and nonsense while ignoring the real story about how America is becoming great again, a source has claimed.
Ten hours in sea 'more fun' than ten hours on cruise ship
A WOMAN has told rescuers than floating in the sea for ten hours was more enjoyable than being on a cruise ship.
Royal Family 'great for attracting incredibly annoying tourists'
ALTHOUGH the Royal Family brings in a large number of tourists, they are the absolute worst, it has been confirmed.
Trump spending $150m on Aberdeen golf course where he’ll someday be exiled
PRESIDENT Trump is lavishing $150m on the Aberdeen golf course where he will live out his days in exile from the USA.
Brexit goes on holiday
BREXIT is looking forward to flying out for 14 nights all-inclusive at a beach resort in Cuba, it has confirmed.
'I'm not Trump,' says Trump
DONALD Trump has denied being this ‘President Trump’ who has apparently done something bad.
Trump nervously gives Putin list of people he'd like killed
PRESIDENT Trump has nervously given Putin a handwritten list of all the people he would like to have killed.
Would this be a bad time to say your new plan's bollocks? asks EU
THE EU has asked if this is a bad time to mention that May’s Chequers Brexit plan is bollocks that they reject completely.
It is necessary to cage migrant children plus we like it, explains White House
DONALD Trump's team have explained that it is necessary put migrant children in cages and also they like doing it.
Melania to redecorate North Korea
MELANIA Trump is to put her interior design skills to good use by redecorating North Korea, it has been confirmed.
Trump and Kim bond over shared loathing of their subjects
THE Trump-Kim meeting mainly focused on what utter dicks the people they govern are.