International

'I made you a mixtape', Trump tells Putin

DONALD Trump has given Vladmir Putin a mixtape full of his favourite songs about being tough.

Future of Western civilisation at stake thanks to me, says 'proud' Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has warned that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect people like him. 

Nuke Alaska, whatever, US tells North Korea

THE US has challenged North Korea to launch a nuclear strike on Alaska to see if they even notice. 

Firing banknotes out of cannon into Channel ‘cheaper than Brexit’

TOP economists have urged the government to consider shooting bundles of £50 notes into the sea as an alternative to hard Brexit.

Trump unveils new law of physics allowing him to cross previously undiscovered lines

DONALD Trump has employed theoretical physicists to create infinite lines of taste and decency he can eventually cross.

Brexit talks end as Google abolishes EU

BREXIT secretary David Davis is on his way home from Brussels after Google abolished the European Union.

DUP gets £1bn for murals of fat Protestant men in bowler hats

THE DUP is to get £1bn of taxpayers money to spend on very large paintings of fat men in bowler hats and orange sashes.

Davis negotiating with Belgian car salesman he mistook for Michel Barnier

ALL of David Davis’ Brexit talks have been with a random Belgian man he mistook for EU negotiator Michel Barnier, it has emerged.