International
Britain secures trade deal with mysterious country no-one's heard of
TRADE secretary Liam Fox has negotiated a superb trade deal with the previously unknown country of Mungotania, he has claimed.
Notice I'm not flying to you, says Juncker
EU CHIEF Jean-Claude Juncker has highlighted that Theresa May is flying to Brussels to rescue Brexit talks, not the other way around.
EU prepares next lovely big shit sandwich
THE EU is ready to move on to the second of the excrement-based sandwiches it has prepared for the UK, it has emerged.
Trump state visit downgraded to top-and-tailing with Nigel Farage
PRESIDENT Trump’s visit to the UK has been downgraded from being an offical guest of the Queen to sharing a bed at Nigel Farage’s place, it has been confirmed.
David Davis to retire just before Brexit so he can move to the Algarve
BREXIT minister David Davis will retire before 2019 because he fancies buying himself a nice place in the sun.
Arm everyone with machine guns, say unspeakable bastards
EVERY American should be given an automatic weapon, according to the country’s bastard pieces of shit.
Spanish government unveils next phase of totally unnecessary f**k-up
THE Spanish government has announced further plans for totally ballsing up for no reason, it has been confirmed.
Nigel Farage: Immigration has been a disaster for America from the very start
I HAVE come to you, America to tell the unpalatable truth - uncontrolled immigration has been a disaster for your country for almost 250 years.
Trump’s tweets to become erudite discourses of political philosophy
THE NEW 280-character tweets will enable President Trump to discuss his political ideology and the economic ideas underpinning it at proper length.
UK responds thoughtfully to German election with Hitler jokes
BRITONS have responded to the worrying rise of the far-right in Germany with thoughtful, well-considered Hitler jokes, it has emerged.
Kim Jong-un totally disarmed by cutesy nickname
KIM Jong-un and his North Korean regime have been completely disarmed by his friendly new nickname of ‘Rocket Man’, it has emerged.
Boris to help Irma relief effort by dangling from last remaining electricity cable in Anguilla
BORIS Johnson has flown to the hurricane disaster zone to dangle from the last remaining electricity cable under British control in the Caribbean.