International
Kindly, freedom-loving old gentleman to run Zimbabwe
A GENTLE, democracy-loving elderly man with no links to dictatorship or oppression is to be the next president of Zimbabwe.
Russian troll struggling to be more bigoted than typical internet user
A RUSSIAN professional troll is finding it hard to be more bigoted than British online commenters who do it for free, he has revealed.
Huge destructive reptile wreaking havoc in Japan
THERE have been reports of a giant lizard with destructive tendencies wreaking havoc in Tokyo.
'Rich bastards using tax havens' report also claims bears defecate in woods
A REPORT revealing the use of tax havens by rich people has also shed light on the woodland toilet habits of bears.
ISIS wondering where insane medieval fantasy project went wrong
ISIS members are baffled as to why their brand of medieval religious oppression and global terrorism did not succeed, they have revealed.
Secret Service agent on final day deletes Trump
A US Secret Service agent on his final day working at the White House has deleted Donald Trump before leaving.
In our defence we didn't think you were thick enough for this to work, says Russia
RUSSIA has defended its interference in Western elections by saying it did not think we would actually be moronic enough for it to work.
Declassified JFK files reveal he’s fine
FILES on the President Kennedy assassination opened to the public for the first time today have revealed that he is alive and well in Kentucky.
Theresa May emails EU citizens with chores rota
THE prime minister has emailed 100,000 EU citizens in the UK telling them they can remain in our country if they pitch in with chores.
Britain secures trade deal with mysterious country no-one's heard of
TRADE secretary Liam Fox has negotiated a superb trade deal with the previously unknown country of Mungotania, he has claimed.
Notice I'm not flying to you, says Juncker
EU CHIEF Jean-Claude Juncker has highlighted that Theresa May is flying to Brussels to rescue Brexit talks, not the other way around.
EU prepares next lovely big shit sandwich
THE EU is ready to move on to the second of the excrement-based sandwiches it has prepared for the UK, it has emerged.