International
'I'm not Trump,' says Trump
DONALD Trump has denied being this ‘President Trump’ who has apparently done something bad.
Trump nervously gives Putin list of people he'd like killed
PRESIDENT Trump has nervously given Putin a handwritten list of all the people he would like to have killed.
Would this be a bad time to say your new plan's bollocks? asks EU
THE EU has asked if this is a bad time to mention that May’s Chequers Brexit plan is bollocks that they reject completely.
It is necessary to cage migrant children plus we like it, explains White House
DONALD Trump's team have explained that it is necessary put migrant children in cages and also they like doing it.
Melania to redecorate North Korea
MELANIA Trump is to put her interior design skills to good use by redecorating North Korea, it has been confirmed.
Trump and Kim bond over shared loathing of their subjects
THE Trump-Kim meeting mainly focused on what utter dicks the people they govern are.
Can your nukes reach Canada? Trump asks Kim
PRESIDENT Trump has asked Kim Jong-un to join his war against the dangerous, out-of-control liberal democracy of Canada.
Please do Trump next, Irish women told
IRISH women have been asked if they could please do something about Trump next.
We'll definitely be needing a hard border now, confirms Arlene Foster
DUP leader Arlene Foster has told the government they will absolutely have to have a post-Brexit hard border after that.
Be ready for a nasty shock, US and Britain tell Ireland
THE UK and US have wished Ireland good luck on its abortion referendum, but warned the country it may find out who it really is.
May, Merkel and Macron sign 'Ignore him, he's a twat' letter to Iran
THE leaders of France, Germany and the UK have signed an official letter to Iran advising it ignores Trump because he is a twat.
Obama also had this thing about not jumping into a pit full of wolves, Trump told
DONALD Trump has been informed that Obama was very much against presidents jumping into pits full of wolves.