International
'So you had an election then?' chuckles Juncker
JEAN Claude Juncker has opened Brexit negotiations with the UK by chuckling away like an easily amused child.
Brexit talks to go ahead without us
MONDAY’S talks with the EU will go ahead without British involvement because what could be more Brexit, the government has confirmed.
F**k off, you're not invited anymore, UK tells Trump
BRITAIN has withdrawn Donald Trump's invitation to visit and never really wanted him to come in the first place.
Scotland to have second referendum anyway 'because it’s full of awkward bastards'
SCOTLAND will probably have another independence referendum because of its high percentage of difficult bastards, it has emerged.
Brexit to take 500 years
BRITAIN’s exit from the European Union is now on course to be completed by the middle of the 26th Century.
Trump uses safeword to end this sick game
DONALD Trump has used his safeword 'covfefe' to end the humiliating fetish game where he pretended to be the worst president ever.
Vatican 'like a two-star motel', Trump tells Pope
DONALD Trump has dismissed the the Vatican as 'low rent' and told the Pope to spend some money on it.
Trump converts to Islam
DONALD Trump has confirmed that he is a now a Muslim.
Assange to return favour by influencing Swedish election
JULIAN Assange has promised to thank Sweden for dropping charges against him by boosting far-right parties at their next election.
Trump revealed nuclear code is UR-FIRED
PRESIDENT Trump has revealed that the launch code to America's nuclear arsenal is also his television catchphrase.
This Russia thing completely separate from other Russia thing, says White House
THE White House has clarified that the new scandal about Russia is completely unconnected with its previous, different, Russian scandal.
Trump convinced this is actually clever
DONALD Trump believes that firing the man investigating his collusion with Russia is a really clever solution to the whole problem, he has confirmed.