International
Humanity a bit concerned that its leaders are completely insane
THE human race has expressed concern that everyone in charge appears to be utterly demented.
Trump and Putin have first marital row
DONALD Trump and Vladimir Putin have had the first nasty row of their until-now harmonious relationship.
7,000 miles to meet a f**king idiot, thinks Chinese premier
CHINA'S leader has been reflecting on why he must travel so far to meet a moron.
This is the only real home I've ever known, tearful Farage tells EU parliament
A SOBBING Nigel Farage has told his fellow MEPs that they are his truest friends and leaving them will be the greatest sorrow of his life.
Gibraltar monkey feels more European
A MEMBER of Gibraltar’s monkey population feels more European than British, he has confirmed.
Logical next step for Britain is series of colonial conquests
THE best way to make Britain great again is to invade resource-rich territories and enslave their people, Boris Johnson has claimed.
You could have just emailed, says EU
EU LEADERS are puzzled about why Britain wrote them a letter in the age of electronic communication.
People indifferent to important things passionately defend leggings
PEOPLE who are generally not that engaged with world events have stepped up to defend stretchy jogging bottoms.
But this is a MacBook, says air passenger
A PASSENGER on a Jeddah-London flight has explained that while laptops may be banned he has a MacBook, which is different.
He spouts exactly the same bollocks in private, GCHQ confirms
GCHQ HAS confirmed that Donald Trump’s private communications are nothing but the same meaningless bollocks he says in public.
Theresa May in absolutely massive wild guess about Scottish people
THERESA May is betting the future of the UK on a gigantic wild guess about how Scottish people react to things.
Be a good little country and try some Brexit, May tells Scotland
THERESA May has told Scotland that if they just gave the Brexit a proper try they would absolutely love it.