International
Trump claims Obama has been following him around since 1987
DONALD Trump has claimed Barack Obama has been stalking him for the last three decades.
US fears Trump may discover emojis
AMERICA fears it may just be a matter of time before President Trump discovers the emoji keyboard on his phone.
Parallel-timeline President Hillary Clinton impeached for wearing ugly shoes
PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton in a parallel timeline is facing impeachment and criminal charges for wearing ugly shoes.
President of United States wildly applauded for getting through whole speech without massive f**k up
THE President of the United States has managed to get through an entire speech without saying anything explicitly dangerous or obviously insane.
Trump hiding from media 'like he owes them rent money'
DONALD Trump is currently hiding from the media as if he owes them two months’ rent money, it has been confirmed.
Trump is on glue, confirms White House
THE White House has confirmed that President Donald Trump is on glue.
Trump's top adviser is little kid who talks bollocks
DONALD Trump’s closest adviser is a small boy who is the biggest bullshitter in his school, it has emerged.
Piss-eyed Tango monster demands everyone say nice things about it
A DESPERATE, blithering fuck-up has demanded the media accurately report how unbelievably fantastic it is.
People looking for leader of West choosing between Trudeau and Merkel but definitely not May
PEOPLE looking for a new leader of the western world are eyeing up Justin Trudeau and Angela Merkel and dismissing Theresa May without a second thought.
‘Who is Richard Nixon?’ asks Trump
DONALD Trump has been asking his aides who Richard Nixon is and why he is famous.
General Flynn says tearful ‘do svidanya’ to White House comrades
FIRED Trump adviser General Michael Flynn has put on his fur hat, taken a final shot of vodka and wished his White House comrades do svidanya.
Trump demands introduction of Super Double Caps Lock
PRESIDENT Trump has demanded that a Super Double Caps Lock be created to better convey the force of his feelings on Twitter.