International

Trump is on glue, confirms White House

THE White House has confirmed that President Donald Trump is on glue.

Trump's top adviser is little kid who talks bollocks

DONALD Trump’s closest adviser is a small boy who is the biggest bullshitter in his school, it has emerged.

Piss-eyed Tango monster demands everyone say nice things about it

A DESPERATE, blithering fuck-up has demanded the media accurately report how unbelievably fantastic it is.

People looking for leader of West choosing between Trudeau and Merkel but definitely not May

PEOPLE looking for a new leader of the western world are eyeing up Justin Trudeau and Angela Merkel and dismissing Theresa May without a second thought.

‘Who is Richard Nixon?’ asks Trump

DONALD Trump has been asking his aides who Richard Nixon is and why he is famous.

General Flynn says tearful ‘do svidanya’ to White House comrades

FIRED Trump adviser General Michael Flynn has put on his fur hat, taken a final shot of vodka and wished his White House comrades do svidanya. 

Trump demands introduction of Super Double Caps Lock

PRESIDENT Trump has demanded that a Super Double Caps Lock be created to better convey the force of his feelings on Twitter.

'Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra' says Bannon every morning

TRUMP advisor Steve Bannon begins his day by invoking powers of ancient evil, it has emerged.

Trump confirms ban on Sylvanians entering US

DONALD Trump has banned all Sylvanians from entering America, even the really cute ones.

Unspeakable pieces of shit delighted with new scapegoat

DONALD Trump and the man who tells him what to think have confirmed they are delighted with their latest scapegoat.

Trump kindly grants world a holiday from mental shit

PRESIDENT Trump has generously granted the world a 24-hour break from his onslaught of lunatic behaviour.

Trump sacks everyone who doesn't look like a recently-reanimated corpse

DONALD Trump has fired all officials who lack the blank-eyed stare of the undead.