International

But this is a MacBook, says air passenger

A PASSENGER on a Jeddah-London flight has explained that while laptops may be banned he has a MacBook, which is different.

He spouts exactly the same bollocks in private, GCHQ confirms

GCHQ HAS confirmed that Donald Trump’s private communications are nothing but the same meaningless bollocks he says in public.

Theresa May in absolutely massive wild guess about Scottish people

THERESA May is betting the future of the UK on a gigantic wild guess about how Scottish people react to things.

Be a good little country and try some Brexit, May tells Scotland

THERESA May has told Scotland that if they just gave the Brexit a proper try they would absolutely love it.

Man admits breaking into family's home to do BBC Skype interview

A MAN whose BBC interview was interrupted by a family has admitted breaking into their house to use their broadband.

Northern Ireland briefly noticed

BRITAIN has briefly noticed Northern Ireland before returning its attention to other things.

Trump claims Obama has been following him around since 1987

DONALD Trump has claimed Barack Obama has been stalking him for the last three decades.

US fears Trump may discover emojis

AMERICA fears it may just be a matter of time before President Trump discovers the emoji keyboard on his phone.

Parallel-timeline President Hillary Clinton impeached for wearing ugly shoes

PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton in a parallel timeline is facing impeachment and criminal charges for wearing ugly shoes.

President of United States wildly applauded for getting through whole speech without massive f**k up

THE President of the United States has managed to get through an entire speech without saying anything explicitly dangerous or obviously insane. 

Trump hiding from media 'like he owes them rent money'

DONALD Trump is currently hiding from the media as if he owes them two months’ rent money, it has been confirmed.

Trump is on glue, confirms White House

THE White House has confirmed that President Donald Trump is on glue.