International

General Flynn says tearful ‘do svidanya’ to White House comrades

FIRED Trump adviser General Michael Flynn has put on his fur hat, taken a final shot of vodka and wished his White House comrades do svidanya. 

Trump demands introduction of Super Double Caps Lock

PRESIDENT Trump has demanded that a Super Double Caps Lock be created to better convey the force of his feelings on Twitter.

'Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra' says Bannon every morning

TRUMP advisor Steve Bannon begins his day by invoking powers of ancient evil, it has emerged.

Trump confirms ban on Sylvanians entering US

DONALD Trump has banned all Sylvanians from entering America, even the really cute ones.

Unspeakable pieces of shit delighted with new scapegoat

DONALD Trump and the man who tells him what to think have confirmed they are delighted with their latest scapegoat.

Trump kindly grants world a holiday from mental shit

PRESIDENT Trump has generously granted the world a 24-hour break from his onslaught of lunatic behaviour.

Trump sacks everyone who doesn't look like a recently-reanimated corpse

DONALD Trump has fired all officials who lack the blank-eyed stare of the undead.

Legally I can kill him, Queen confirms

THE QUEEN has confirmed that when President Trump visits the UK, she can kill him with a sword and nobody can touch her.

Trump extends ban to anyone who doesn't like Bryan Adams

PEOPLE who do not appreciate the music of Bryan Adams are banned from entering the United States, Donald Trump has confirmed.

Thatcher and Reagan was beautiful romance that made us fear for our lives, explain 40-somethings

MIDDLE-AGED Britons have explained to young people that Reagan and Thatcher shared a beautiful eight-year romance that almost triggered armageddon.

‘The crowd definitely reached all the way to the Washington Monument,’ Trump tells May

PRESIDENT Trump has spent his full hour with the prime minister discussing the crucial issue of underestimated crowd sizes at his inauguration last week.

Trump has already pressed fake nuclear button CIA gave him over a dozen times

DONALD Trump has nearly worn out the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons.