International
Right-wing populist revolutions f**king useless
THE defeat of healthcare repeal in the US and the UK’s pathetic Brexit negotiations, has convinced experts that right-wing populist revolutions are f**king useless.
A guide to American 'food' imports
IF Britain strikes a new trade deal with the US, what low-quality food will be on your menu?
Boris Johnson sent as far away as possible for as long as possible
BORIS Johnson has been posted to New Zealand for as long as anyone can justify him being there.
People on low carb diets terrified of post-Brexit courgetti shortage
THE government has been urged to secure post-Brexit supplies of courgetti by people who think it is in any way a substitute for pasta.
Trump-Putin handshake summons Beelzebub as predicted
THE handshake between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin has summoned the Devil, as experts predicted.
90 per cent of holiday photos to be ruined by some fat-headed bastard
NINE out of ten holiday photos will be ruined by some fat-headed arsewit wandering into the frame, it has been confirmed.
'I made you a mixtape', Trump tells Putin
DONALD Trump has given Vladmir Putin a mixtape full of his favourite songs about being tough.
Future of Western civilisation at stake thanks to me, says 'proud' Trump
PRESIDENT Trump has warned that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect people like him.
Nuke Alaska, whatever, US tells North Korea
THE US has challenged North Korea to launch a nuclear strike on Alaska to see if they even notice.
Firing banknotes out of cannon into Channel cheaper than no-deal Brexit
TOP economists have urged the government to consider shooting bundles of £50 notes into the sea as an alternative to a no-deal Brexit.
Trump unveils new law of physics allowing him to cross previously undiscovered lines
DONALD Trump has employed theoretical physicists to create infinite lines of taste and decency he can eventually cross.
Brexit talks end as Google abolishes EU
BREXIT secretary David Davis is on his way home from Brussels after Google abolished the European Union.
- DUP gets £1bn for murals of fat Protestant men in bowler hats
- Davis negotiating with Belgian car salesman he mistook for Michel Barnier
- Survive five years in this twat factory and you're in for life, EU citizens told
- Davis tells room full of people who can speak German that they'd all be speaking German if it wasn't for us