International

Trump confirms this is going to be completely f**king insane

DONALD Trump has confirmed that the next four years are going to be as fucked up as his campaign.

Final section of pre-apocalypse montage filmed at 5pm today

THE final footage for a grainy, event-packed pre-apocalypse montage will be filmed at the Capitol in Washington DC at 5pm today.

We will not think any less of you if you back out now, humanity tells Trump

BILLIONS of humans have reassured Donald Trump that it’s fine if he wants to change his mind about becoming president.

Shit-flinging gibbon to be crowned emperor

A SCREECHING, orange, shit-flinging gibbon will be crowned ruler of the free world later today.

Barack Obama is President of the United States

BARACK Obama is president of the world’s most powerful country, it has been confirmed.

Britons flown back from Gambia to their marginally more stable home country

BRITONS are being flown home from a Gambia teetering on the edge of war to Britain, which is marginally more stable for the time being. 

If you're being a tax haven we only really want London, say investors

INTERNATIONAL investors have demanded that when Britain becomes a tax haven it must slim down to just London.

Gove hoping for 'bumbling idiot butler' role in Trump household

MICHAEL Gove is hoping Donald Trump will hire him as his 'bumbling British butler' when he becomes president, it has emerged.

Flame-throwing mutant guitarist from Mad Max turns down Trump inauguration

THE mutant guitarist from Mad Max: Fury Road has become the latest musician to reject an offer to perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Trump threatens Iran and promotes Budweiser in single tweet

DONALD Trump has used his Twitter account to threaten a nuclear first strike on Iran and to promote the rich, smooth taste of Bud Ice.

Trump eases world's nerves with rambling and demented speech

DONALD Trump has eased the world's nerves with a waffling speech like a man who'd just been hit with a spanner.

Come back when he shags a dead pig, says jaded Britain

SEX claims against Donald Trump are ‘lightweight’ and do not even involve a farm animal, according to Britons.