International

All this fuss over one dickhead

THE world cannot believe that all this fuss is being caused over one mumbling, egotistical, incoherent dickhead. 

'Je ne suis pas insured', and other essential No Deal phrases

STILL planning to visit our sworn enemies in Europe? After our no-deal exit, you’ll need to add these key phrases to your linguistic arsenal.

Sending gunboats after the French exactly what I voted for, says Brexiter

A BREXITER has confirmed that deploying the Royal Navy to fire on French fishermen is absolutely what he voted for in 2016.

It's not sodding aliens: Where those monoliths probably came from

INTRIGUED by the mysterious monoliths that have been springing up around the world? Here are the boring places they probably came from.

Trump agrees to leave White House for drive-thru McDonald's

PRESIDENT Trump has agreed to leave the White House in order to collect a Big Mac meal from a Washington DC drive-thru McDonald’s.

I concede I am thinning slightly on top, says Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has conceded that his hair is very slightly thinning on top, but that he will turn the tide with Regaine.

How Americans write dates: five other things the US should get rid of

AMERICA - the land of the free, home of the brave, and domain of quite a few idiots. Having finally booted out Donald Trump, here are five other dumb things the US needs to get rid of.

How to be a huge pain in the arse about getting fired, by Donald Trump

ANGRY and in denial about getting fired? You probably can’t let a few nukes fly like I’m going to, but try these tips.

New Zealand bastard thinks he's having a bad day

A LUCKY bastard living in a country free of coronavirus is claiming to have had a bad day, it has emerged.

Strictly round five, and other results Trump's legal team could overturn

DONALD Trump’s team of sub-Mafia lawyers is trying to overturn the election. Not going to happen. They should focus on these low-hanging fruits instead.  

Trump: He really was just a prick, wasn't he? 

PUNDITS have agreed that President Trump’s time in office and legacy will mainly being remembered for what an utter prick he was.

Trump to carry on doing exactly the same shit but not as president

DONALD Trump will spend the next four years holding rallies, being racist, sending mental tweets and golfing with the minor difference that he is no longer president.