International

How is Trump planning to be a dick in the UK?

IT’S rare for Donald Trump to go anywhere without being a dick in some way, so what has he got planned for his stay in Britain?

Legoland declares independence from UK

WITH a thriving economy backed by its own currency, Legoland is to leave Britain and apply for EU membership.

Colleague makes Notre Dame fire all about him

A BRITISH man who visited the Notre Dame cathedral in 2003 is telling everyone how badly the fire has affected him.

America to gift France hideous new plastic church

AMERICA has decided to revive its old friendship with France by giving it a garish plastic megachurch for the middle of its capital city.

Hunchback forced to move in with Phantom of the Opera

THE Hunchback of Notre Dame has been forced to move himself and his stuff in with the Phantom of the Opera for a few weeks.

Prince Charles defects to Cuba

THE Prince of Wales has announced he is leaving Britain to become the new monarch of Cuba, where life is not as desperate.

Man on Amsterdam citybreak brings back more from Europe than Theresa May

A MAN returning from an Amsterdam citybreak has returned with more substantive benefits than Theresa May from Strasbourg.

Chris Grayling's guide to planning a journey

WHETHER it’s a day trip to York or backpacking around Vietnam, good planning makes for a stress-free journey. Transport secretary Chris Grayling tells you how.

He tried to kiss me, says Kim

KIM Jong-un has confirmed that the US-North Korea summit ended when President Trump attempted to kiss him.

Shirtless Spaniards take over Scarborough

HORDES of drunk, obnoxious Spanish tourists have arrived in Scarborough to enjoy the sunshine and take no interest in any other aspect of Britain.

We wouldn't have made you speak German, say Germans

A NAZI occupation of Britain would not have included compulsory German lessons, Germans have confirmed.

Brussels Airport invests in massive 'f**k off, we're keeping the backstop' sign

BRUSSELS Airport is to save everyone's time by erecting a 40ft high illuminated sign reading ‘Fuck off, we’re keeping the backstop’.