International

Prince Charles defects to Cuba

THE Prince of Wales has announced he is leaving Britain to become the new monarch of Cuba, where life is not as desperate.

Man on Amsterdam citybreak brings back more from Europe than Theresa May

A MAN returning from an Amsterdam citybreak has returned with more substantive benefits than Theresa May from Strasbourg.

Chris Grayling's guide to planning a journey

WHETHER it’s a day trip to York or backpacking around Vietnam, good planning makes for a stress-free journey. Transport secretary Chris Grayling tells you how.

He tried to kiss me, says Kim

KIM Jong-un has confirmed that the US-North Korea summit ended when President Trump attempted to kiss him.

Shirtless Spaniards take over Scarborough

HORDES of drunk, obnoxious Spanish tourists have arrived in Scarborough to enjoy the sunshine and take no interest in any other aspect of Britain.

We wouldn't have made you speak German, say Germans

A NAZI occupation of Britain would not have included compulsory German lessons, Germans have confirmed.

Brussels Airport invests in massive 'f**k off, we're keeping the backstop' sign

BRUSSELS Airport is to save everyone's time by erecting a 40ft high illuminated sign reading ‘Fuck off, we’re keeping the backstop’. 

Macedonia changes name to Republic of North Funkytown

THE GREEK parliament has ratified a law allowing the neighbouring Republic of Macedonia to change its name to the Republic of North Funkytown.

Remainers really wishing Jean-Claude Juncker wasn't such a git

PEOPLE who want to remain in the EU really wish Jean-Claude Juncker was not so obviously unpleasant.

A guide to the Trump presidency of 2019

DONALD Trump will begin 2019 as president of the United States of America. But will he finish the year that way, and will the USA survive?

Europe reassures Britain it has been a laughing stock for decades

IN a move to allay fears that Brexit had damaged Britain's reputation, Europe confirmed the country has been a pathetic laughing stock for ages.

It should be me f**king you over, Trump tells Britain

PRESIDENT Trump has condemned the Brexit deal because it means Britain is being fucked over by the EU rather than the US.