International

UK given official 'clown country' status

THE United Nations has changed Britain’s status to ‘clown country’, giving us the same international standing as a backfiring toy car driven by a dog in a fireman's helmet.

The Brits' guide to explaining he's not your fault, by an American

HEY limeys. Going on vacation? Not looking forward to the gape-mouthed looks from continentals when you admit your nationality? Yeah, I know that feeling.

'That big blonde lad called you a bunch of nonces' Hunt tells Iran

JEREMY Hunt has told Iran that the big blonde lad over there called them nonces who would not have the b*llocks to officially declare war on Britain.

Is saying 'Go back to your own country' racist or are you f**king kidding me?

IS telling someone non-white to go back to their own country, as President Trump did, racist or are you seriously asking that question?

Britain to defend itself with a*sey attitude

WITH a dwindling navy, the UK will protect its interests abroad with our miserable, complaining attitude, the government has announced.

Which British sh*tbag should be the next US ambassador?

THE UK’s ambassador to the USA is going to be fired for not lying about how great Donald Trump is, but who will replace him?

What the British ambassador should have said, by Nigel Farage

AS natural choice to become British ambassador because of my famous impartiality, here's what I would have said about the US.

How to be an embarrassing little b*llend at work like a Brexit MEP

KEEN to be a rude sh*t and humiliate yourself at work, like the Brexit Party’s MEPs did by turning their backs on the EU anthem? Read on!

You'll never know how much we hate whales, says Japan

JAPAN has told the world that it will never understand how fiercely it detests whales or how joyous it feels to be slaughtering them again.

Cockroaches following Iran story with growing interest

THE NEXT dominant species on the planet is following the news from Iran with growing interest.

Imagine watching that interview, but the British f**kwit is your prime minister, say Americans

AMERICANS have asked Britons to watch the Morgan-Trump interview again, but this time imagine the British idiot is now leading their country.

All the palaces in the world aren't worth three days of this, says Queen

THE Queen is contemplating abdicating the throne if anyone ever again tries to make her spend three days with President Trump.