International

Irish making offensive jokes about the thick-as-pigshit English

IRISH people are increasingly joking about how unbelievably stupid the English are, they have confessed.

Trump spends ten minutes with Johnson and is in deep sh*t already

PRESIDENT Trump has spent three years getting away with murder but after ten minutes with Boris Johnson is now getting impeached.

Massively stoned Brit in Amsterdam pretending he can discern between skunk varieties

AN out-of-his-box British man in Amsterdam is claiming he can tell the difference between various strains of super-strong skunk.

I mixed up Ireland and the Isle of Man, admits Johnson

THE prime minister has confessed to his Brexit negotiating team that he confused Ireland, the independent country and EU member, with the Isle of Man.

Population of Luxembourg 'only six times the number of people who voted for Johnson'

CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him.

The foreigner's guide to what the f**k has happened to Britain

FOREIGN? Then you’re probably wondering why the mother of parliaments is collapsing like an Albanian pyramid scheme.

Trump backs down on nuking hurricanes 'because it could release three super-villains from the Phantom Zone'

DONALD Trump has ditched plans to fire a nuclear missile at a hurricane after officials told him it would rupture the Phantom Zone, releasing a trio of super-villains.

At least we're only on fire metaphorically, Johnson reassures UK

THE prime minister has reassured Britain that, unlike Brazil, it is only burning to ash as a nation in a figurative sense.

I don't even want Greenland any more, pouts Trump while playing with toy Greenland

PRESIDENT Trump has told Denmark that he does not even want Greenland anyway while sulking and playing with his beloved Playmobil Greenland set.

Irish people in UK admit they're just making up words

IRISH residents of mainland Britain have confirmed they are making about 65 per cent of their colourful language up on the spot.

Government asked if it could just once not f**k up sterling when everyone's on holiday

BRITONS have asked their government if it would mind not sending the pound into freefall right before their summer holidays every bloody year.

Yorkshire should be an independent state, says rest of UK

THE county of Yorkshire should become an independent state, the rest of the UK has urged.