International

I was just putting up a shelf, admits Russian astronaut

AN astronaut on the International Space Station forgot there was just space outside when he drilled a hole for a shelf, he has admitted.

Foreign holiday ruined by forgetting tea bags

A FAMILY who went on holiday to Italy had a dreadful time because they could not have a decent cup of tea, it has emerged.

I'm not leaving until you've bought some missiles, May tells Africa

THERESA May has vowed not to leave Africa until everyone has bought at least one British missile.

Fake news media having a particularly busy day

THE fake news media is busily reporting all kinds of lies and nonsense while ignoring the real story about how America is becoming great again, a source has claimed. 

Ten hours in sea 'more fun' than ten hours on cruise ship

A WOMAN has told rescuers than floating in the sea for ten hours was more enjoyable than being on a cruise ship.

Royal Family 'great for attracting incredibly annoying tourists'

ALTHOUGH the Royal Family brings in a large number of tourists, they are the absolute worst, it has been confirmed.

Trump spending $150m on Aberdeen golf course where he’ll someday be exiled

PRESIDENT Trump is lavishing $150m on the Aberdeen golf course where he will live out his days in exile from the USA.

Brexit goes on holiday

BREXIT is looking forward to flying out for 14 nights all-inclusive at a beach resort in Cuba, it has confirmed. 

'I'm not Trump,' says Trump

DONALD Trump has denied being this ‘President Trump’ who has apparently done something bad.

Trump nervously gives Putin list of people he'd like killed

PRESIDENT Trump has nervously given Putin a handwritten list of all the people he would like to have killed.

Would this be a bad time to say your new plan's bollocks? asks EU

THE EU has asked if this is a bad time to mention that May’s Chequers Brexit plan is bollocks that they reject completely. 

It is necessary to cage migrant children plus we like it, explains White House

DONALD Trump's team have explained that it is necessary put migrant children in cages and also they like doing it.