Pope Backs Plan To Piss Off Jesus-Killers

POPE Benedict rounded off his historic visit to the Holy Land yesterday by seizing an opportunity to stick it to the Christ-murderers.

Pope To See Where It All Didn't Happen

POPE Benedict will today visit the scenes of the made-up stories that form the basis of his crazy, voodoo religion.

Git Named

THIS year's Git has been confirmed as 34 year-old Ben Southall from Hampshire.

New Yorkers Terrified By 80ft Gorilla

NEW York was flung into a state of panic yesterday as thousands of people watched an 80 foot-high gorilla climb the Empire State Building.


North Korea Named New Big Scary Thing

NORTH Korea has been designated as the new big thing designed to scare the holy living shit out of you, the United Nations has confirmed.

North Korean Pizza Toppings To Include Cardboard And Old Teeth

NORTH Korea is to open a national chain of pizza restauarants offering a range of delicious toppings including cardboard, rusty paper clips and old men's teeth.

Three Billion Names Added To Forbes Poor List

THE worldwide boom in grinding poverty has led to more than three billion names being added to Forbes magazine's annual 'poor list'.

Someone Claiming To Be Me Has Been Saying It’s All Your Fault, Brown Tells America

GORDON Brown yesterday told America that someone has been going around blaming them for the global economic collapse and using his name.

Obama Obviously Has A New Watch, Says Brown

PRESIDENT Obama clearly has a new watch and is fascinated with it, Gordon Brown revealed last night.

Make Goodwin Give Back His Pension, Brown Tells Obama

GORDON Brown will today ask Barak Obama to make that horrid Fred Goodwin give his pension back.

Barack Obama Is Not A Chimpanzee, Confirms White House

AMERICA breathed a sigh of relief last night as the White House confirmed that President Obama is not a chimpanzee.

Not Even I Believe That Shit, Pope Tells Brown

POPE Benedict XVI has told Gordon Brown that he has believed some crazy things in his time but he's not buying that crap.