International

Foot Collectors Flock To Canada Shoreline

EAGER foot collectors are setting up camp on the beaches near Vancouver, amid talk of a new Canadian 'foot rush'.

Europe Destroyed By Curse Of The Leprechaun

EUROPE lay in tatters last night, ravaged by the strongest leprechaun curse in over a decade.

How To Avoid Gerry This Summer

London: 5th June, 1939

THE Foreign and Commonwealth Office is advising British holidaymakers to steer clear of continental Europe this summer, warning that it may be full of Germans.

America Waits For Clinton To F*ck Off

AMERICA was waiting with bated breath last night as Hillary Clinton signalled she may be about to fuck off.

Third World To Teach White People How To Walk

AS the price of oil climbs towards $150 a barrel, the Third World has offered to teach Europe and America how to walk.

Huge Dome To Be Placed Over Middle East

A MASSIVE silver dome should be placed over the Middle East until all the explosions have stopped, the UN secretary general said last night.

Lesbians To Establish Republic Of Lesbia

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

Austria Launches 'Birthplace Of Hitler' Campaign

AUSTRIA'S chancellor has vowed to restore the country's international image with a £40 million 'Birthplace of Hitler' marketing campaign. 

Syria Outsources Evil Plotting To North Korea

SYRIA is to outsource its evil plotting to North Korea in a £3 billion deal to create the world's biggest terror brand.

System No Longer Works, Confirms UN

THE socio-economic system which has governed much of the globe for over a century finally stopped working at around 9pm last night, the United Nations has confirmed.

Xenophobes Welcome Huge, Stinking Metaphor

BRITAIN'S xenophobes were last night celebrating the arrival of an enormous, foul-smelling metaphor wafting over the channel from continental Europe.

Putin To Propose At Sushi Restaurant

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin is to propose to his girlfriend at his favourite Moscow sushi restaurant, the Kremlin has announced.