Huge Dome To Be Placed Over Middle East

A MASSIVE silver dome should be placed over the Middle East until all the explosions have stopped, the UN secretary general said last night.

Lesbians To Establish Republic Of Lesbia

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

Austria Launches 'Birthplace Of Hitler' Campaign

AUSTRIA'S chancellor has vowed to restore the country's international image with a £40 million 'Birthplace of Hitler' marketing campaign. 

Syria Outsources Evil Plotting To North Korea

SYRIA is to outsource its evil plotting to North Korea in a £3 billion deal to create the world's biggest terror brand.

System No Longer Works, Confirms UN

THE socio-economic system which has governed much of the globe for over a century finally stopped working at around 9pm last night, the United Nations has confirmed.

Xenophobes Welcome Huge, Stinking Metaphor

BRITAIN'S xenophobes were last night celebrating the arrival of an enormous, foul-smelling metaphor wafting over the channel from continental Europe.

Putin To Propose At Sushi Restaurant

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin is to propose to his girlfriend at his favourite Moscow sushi restaurant, the Kremlin has announced. 

Televangelist Challenges Pope To Jew-Hating Contest

US televangelist Pat Robertson has branded the Pope a dangerous liberal and challenged him to prove his Christian credentials in a televised Jew-hating contest.