RUSSIA has reminded Britain that threats to dismantle its spy network carry little weight given the fictional status of our best agent.
AN astronaut on the International Space Station forgot there was just space outside when he drilled a hole for a shelf, he has admitted.
A FAMILY who went on holiday to Italy had a dreadful time because they could not have a decent cup of tea, it has emerged.
THERESA May has vowed not to leave Africa until everyone has bought at least one British missile.
THE fake news media is busily reporting all kinds of lies and nonsense while ignoring the real story about how America is becoming great again, a source has claimed.
A WOMAN has told rescuers than floating in the sea for ten hours was more enjoyable than being on a cruise ship.
ALTHOUGH the Royal Family brings in a large number of tourists, they are the absolute worst, it has been confirmed.
PRESIDENT Trump is lavishing $150m on the Aberdeen golf course where he will live out his days in exile from the USA.
BREXIT is looking forward to flying out for 14 nights all-inclusive at a beach resort in Cuba, it has confirmed.
DONALD Trump has denied being this ‘President Trump’ who has apparently done something bad.
PRESIDENT Trump has nervously given Putin a handwritten list of all the people he would like to have killed.
THE EU has asked if this is a bad time to mention that May’s Chequers Brexit plan is bollocks that they reject completely.