Trump demands introduction of Super Double Caps Lock

PRESIDENT Trump has demanded that a Super Double Caps Lock be created to better convey the force of his feelings on Twitter. 

Following the US appeal court’s refusal to lift his Muslim ban, Trump believes that computer keyboards need a new key to represent how emphatic and powerful his words are.

A White House spokesman said: “When the president typed ‘SEE YOU IN COURT, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE!’ it was commanding, impressive and resolute.

“But unfortunately YouTube commenters calling pop videos ‘THE GAYMOST’ have lessened the impact of capital letters, meaning the tweet came across as impotent rage from a bewildered adult baby.

“Funding of $6.5 billion will create a Super Double Caps Lock key, reserved exclusively for presidential use, which will fully communicate the authority and import of President Trump’s statesmanlike tweets.

“The trial is set for October this year, when he will leave the world in awe with a series of epochal tweets about his daughter’s shoe line and a fabric softener commercial he feels is disrespecting him.”

Joe Turner of Kansas City said: “Has he tried using a whole bunch of exclamation marks? That always makes everyone take me seriously.”