‘Cocaine’s great’ says man with no concept of future beyond next three minutes

A MAN who has just snorted a line of cocaine has confirmed that the drug is ‘fucking brilliant’ and that tomorrow can look after itself.

Wayne Hayes consumed the drug in a pub toilet, which did not affect his view of how glamorous it is even slightly, and proceeded to tell everyone how much he liked it.

He continued: “Coke’s great, you know? It’s really great. Like really great.

“Probably that’s why it’s so expensive, I mean, like what? Didn’t it used to be fifty quid? Not eighty? Pretty sure I can afford it. I’ll check my balance in the AM.

“Anyway what was I talking about. Coke, right. There’s the ethical shit going on with it like these stabbings or whatever but it’s just worth it, yeah? In the moment.

“Scuse me. Just nipping to the loo. If you know what I mean.”

Barmaid Francesca Johnson said: “I’m getting that he likes coke. Anyone else?”