Hairdresser actually f**king listens and cuts hair the way they were f**king told

A HAIRDRESSER has cut a customer’s hair the way they were asked to, it has been confirmed.

Stephen Malley asked a hairdresser for “just a trim, don’t take too much off”‘ and was left confused when his instructions were followed exactly.

He said: “Despite me being the foremost world authority on my own hair, my wishes are always ignored by hair-cutting professionals. When I say ‘just a trim please’ they instead seem to hear ‘go at it like it’s from a rival postcode gang’”

“So I don’t understand what happened this time. One moment I ask for a specific haircut, the next… I’ve got that specific haircut. It’s just not right.

“I actually missed having to feign happiness at the end result. I’d got quite good at hiding from hairdressers that what they’d done made me feel dead inside.”

He added: “I’m beginning to think whoever cut my hair properly wasn’t a real hairdresser at all, but an escaped convict who’d murdered a barber and assumed his identity.”