Lifestyle

Spending day in dressing gown fine if you've paid £280 to be at a spa

FESTERING in a sweaty towelling gown all day is only acceptable if you have paid to do it at a luxury spa.

Six habits of your f**king annoying housemates

DO your housemates annoy the hell out of you? They may well have some or all of these supremely annoying habits. 

Bra enjoying its annual trip to the washing machine

A WOMAN’S bra is excited to finally be getting a f**king good wash. 

London best friends meet up every two years

TWO best mates living in London have cemented their friendship by meeting up after not seeing each other for two years.

Mum who found teenage son reading White Dwarf magazine wishes he'd been w*nking

A MOTHER who accidentally walked in on her son reading fantasy gaming magazine White Dwarf wishes he had been masturbating instead.

Are you a dog person, a cat person or someone capable of nuance?

ALL people can be divided into which of two domestic pets they prefer, unless you are someone who is in any way open to subtlety. Which are you?

Mobility scooter f**king excellent, pensioner reports

A PENSIONER on a mobility scooter has confirmed that riding it around town is just as cool and kick-ass as it appears.

Rightmove better than porn, women confirm

WOMEN have confirmed that they find browsing online property website Rightmove to be more sexually stimulating than any pornography.

What does the bizarre crap in your car boot say about you?

YOUR car boot is the cupboard that isn’t in the house and you don’t have to think about, so it’s where the real freaky sh*t piles up. Here’s what yours says about you.

Weirdo parks car in garage

A SICK freak has provoked widespread disgust after parking his car in his garage.

Man takes up rock climbing to scale new heights of twattishness

A MAN has added a whole new element of twattishness to his personality by taking up indoor rock climbing.

Vinyl fan preparing to be a pretentious pr*ck about CDs instead

A MAN who thinks vinyl records are now too mainstream has decided to become obsessive about compact discs instead.