HAVE travel chaos and quarantine ruined your plans for a posh foreign holiday you can show off about? Here are some horribly bourgeois British alternatives.
MEN who take their guitars to parks and play them are the worst people in existence, it has been confirmed.
PEOPLE who relish stifling temperatures of 30-plus degrees have smaller brains than those who do not, experts believe.
THE middle classes have confirmed that anyone returning to work or school without at least 10 days quarantine should be looked down on.
NEED to protect yourself from this coronavirus year on every possible level? Try these items of non-medical PPE.
A FEMINIST is not sure that she’s feminist enough to keep her lockdown body hair throughout August.
WITH foreign travel buggered and constant rain, conditions are perfect to recreate the wretchedly miserable UK holidays of your childhood.
Worried you’ll have too many glasses of Shiraz and attempt to sit on your partner’s attractive colleague’s knee? Here’s how to keep your distance to a strict one metre.
A MAN'S friends and family are becoming increasingly concerned by the amount of time he is spending doing mysterious things in his shed.
RUINING music for your children with terrible songs at formative moments is an important part of parenting. How did your parents do it?
SPRING out of bed at the crack of dawn? The world hates you. Here’s how morning twats make life a living hell for the rest of us.
BRITAIN’S over-40s have agreed that young people enjoying themselves must be outlawed now that they can no longer join in.