People having a 'really productive' lockdown told to shut the f**k up

PEOPLE who are having a 'really productive' lockdown have been told to shut the f**k up about it.

How to be an irritating hipster in lockdown

ARE you wearing a mask made out of an ironic 80s T-shirt while livestreaming baking organic vegan banana bread? Then you’re a coronavirus hipster.

Half-cup bra facemasks, and the other quarantine fashions this season

AS spring bursts into bloom and lockdown rolls on, it’s time to think about the new season’s hot looks. What are you wearing in your hallway or kitchen?

Furloughed man with no kids and a garden living like a f**king king

A MAN on 80 per cent pay with no kids and a spacious garden is living like the f**king king of lockdown, he has confirmed.

The ignorant twat's guide to social distancing

CONSIDER the government’s social distancing advice to be for other people? Here’s how to be an ignorant twat about it.

Whole houseshare forced to celebrate unpopular housemate's birthday

AN ENTIRE house has been forced to celebrate an unpopular housemate’s birthday because they are all stuck in with him.

The Daily Mash Easter lockdown quiz

HOLDING a lockdown quiz with friends and family tonight? Try these questions.

Wearing a bikini, and four other things you won't miss this summer

LOCKDOWN is predicted to end sometime towards the end of the century. But at least that means there’s a summer off doing all this:

Five other things to call these times now you're sick of 'strange' and 'unprecedented'

TIRED of calling these 'unprecedented times', especially now you’ve heard of the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic? Try these adjectives.

The four types of freaks who are loving lockdown

LOCKDOWN? Thriving on it mate. Meet the four types of weirdo who actually like this.

'I'm still getting dressed every day' says absolute psychopath

A DERANGED psychopath is still wearing a different outfit every day for the benefit of literally nobody.

Doing the conga, and five other things that are down 100 per cent

BEEN at a party and grabbed the hips of the last person in line to join the joyous conga kicking its way past recently? Of course not. And all these things are also gone.