The dad's guide to pretending you went to raves

WITH illegal raves making a comeback, middle-aged dads can earn kudos from their teenage kids by claiming they were at the heart of the 90s dance scene.

Places to visit in the UK this weekend that won't be full of turds and litter

FANCY a weekend jaunt where you won’t have to sit near a human turd or a mountain of empty two-litre cider bottles? Try these spots.

Dad getting into rap music despite family resistance

A FATHER-OF-TWO is becoming increasingly interested in rap music despite opposition from all members of his household.

Northerners delighted to see what scum Southerners really are

NORTHERNERS are enjoying the scenes at Bournemouth beach that prove once and for all that Southerners are just scum with fancy accents. 

Jogger beats their personal best at being a smug, annoying bastard

A SELF-SATISFIED jogger has just smashed their personal best at being an all-round insufferable bastard, it has emerged.

Topless hunk flaunts beer belly in raunchy khaki shorts

AN overweight man has been spotted showing off his curvaceous assets in the park, it has emerged.

'Cockwomble' and other annoyingly overused insults that should f**k off

IF you spend even a small amount of time online, you’ll find people throwing around bum-clenchingly lame insults they think are riotously funny. Here are the worst.

How to get disproportionately angry about a tiny thing going wrong in your house

COPING fine with 2020? It’s just that the kitchen lightbulb blowing has caused you to clench your fists and scream ‘f**k the world’?

What kind of cheerful dickhead are you?

THE world is full of needlessly cheerful dickheads making provably false statements that piss everyone off. But which one are you?

I'd like you all to f**k off, says dad when asked what he wants for Father's day

A FATHER of young children has said what he would really like for Father’s Day is some f**king peace in an empty house.

Couple can't believe how much money they've saved by being middle class during lockdown

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple are amazed at how much extra money they have after stopping meals out, theatre trips and citybreaks while still being paid high salaries in stable jobs.

A boring-as-f**k birthday message to my two-year-old who isn't on social media so will never read this

HAPPY birthday to my darling boy!  You won’t actually see this because you can’t read and aren’t on social media on account of being a toddler.