Lifestyle

Should you tell people about the dream you had last night?

DID you have a dream last night and are desperate to tell someone about it? Find out whether that is a good idea with our handy quiz.

How to pretend going to the beach is fun

IT’S summer and that means beach time. Yay. Here’s how to look as if you do like to be beside the seaside, even though it’s pretty shit most of the time.

Teenager desperate for people to know he smokes weed

A TEENAGE boy really wants everybody to know he enjoys a toke, it has been confirmed.

Mid-life hangovers now come with sickening mid-life crisis

PEOPLE turning 40 are being warned that hangovers now include a distressing mid-life crisis that could last for years.

People in restaurant so glad they invited a f**king anal retentive

A MEAL was turned into a massive pain in the arse by a man obsessed with splitting the bill fairly.

Helmet won't protect middle-aged skateboarder from shame

A SAFETY helmet will not protect a man from the shame of taking up a child's hobby at the age of 42, it has emerged.

Anyone referring to 'smarts' can f**k right off

PEOPLE who say they or anyone else has “got their smarts” should fuck off, everyone has decided.

Tedious twats with totally ordinary house want to give you 'the tour'

A COUPLE with a completely unremarkable semi-detached two-bedroom house still insist on giving guests ‘the grand tour’.

Excessive exclamation mark users vow they will 'never stop!!!'

PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.

Couple move to countryside for simpler life of getting up at 5am to commute

A COUPLE have moved to a small village so that they can enjoy fresh air, long walks, and catching a train to work at an insanely early hour.

Totally chaotic, f**ked-up mess of a family to get third dog

A FAMILY that exists in a state of filthy chaos has agreed that it would be great to get a third dog.

How to make sure no one sits next to you on the train

THE only way to stop a disgusting stranger sitting next to you on the train is to be that disgusting stranger. Here’s our guide to ensuring peace and quiet on your journey.