Lifestyle

Is everything terrible or are you just a massive f**king drama queen?

ARE the events of your life an unending nightmare or are you just a deeply annoying drama queen? Take our quiz and find out!

The Waitrose shopper's guide to poor people's supermarkets

BUDGET supermarkets offer wonderful bargains, but how can a refined Waitrose shopper like you survive the whole ghastly experience? Read our guide.

Bridesmaid pushing bride to be a nightmare so it'll go viral

A BRIDESMAID is subtly pushing her friend to make more and more unreasonable wedding demands so her post about them will go viral.

Mashing stuff down plughole 'probably fine', say experts

FORCING things down the plughole is unlikely to have bad consequences, according to boffins who cannot be arsed to walk to the bin.

Five things to think about doing this weekend before sitting on your arse in pyjamas all day

YOU'RE definitely going to make the most of your weekend. Or you're going to pretend you are. Here are five excellent things to do this weekend that you won't.

What sort of car twat are you?

WITH so many makes and models there are lots of ways to be a car-owning twat. But what sort of vehicular twattery is right for you? Read our guide.

Hairdresser actually f**king listens and cuts hair the way they were f**king told

A HAIRDRESSER has cut a customer's hair the way they were asked to, it has been confirmed.

Kids vote shoe shopping best time to be proper little bastards

SHOPPING for shoes is the best time to be a complete and utter dick, children have decided.

Mum wrongly alludes to phone conversation nearly being over

A MOTHER heartlessly led her adult son to believe their phone conversation would shortly be coming to an end.

How are you lying about life being better after 40?

WHEN you reach your 40s it’s customary to desperately cling to the idea that it’s good being old. So how are you kidding yourself?

Man who got surround sound looking for new ways to piss money up the wall

A MAN who bought an expensive Bose surround sound system for his tiny living room is looking for new ways to spunk away his income.

Couple in their 30s recovering after terrifying trip to Urban Outfitters

A COUPLE in their late 30s are recovering at home after accidentally wandering into an Urban Outfitters.