Parents realise son planning to keep living with them after lockdown

THE parents of a 29-year-old man who moved back home for lockdown have realised he has no plans to move out after lockdown.

Can we go on holiday? and four other Guardian reader concerns

WORRIED your pampered liberal lifestyle won’t survive the pandemic? What are the questions sending your anxiety through the roof?

Woman who's stopped contouring face forced to admit she's 2D

A WOMAN'S make up-free lockdown regime has revealed that her previous facial contouring efforts were the only reason she appeared to have three dimensions.

Britain frantically relearning how to get dressed

BRITISH people are desperately trying to remember how to dress their hideous bodies in fabric tubes called clothes.

Five completely awful places you'd be right now if you weren't stuck at home

AS lockdown continues, you wish you were anywhere but home. What dreadful places might you be this weekend if you were unlucky enough to regain your freedom?

Neighbour playing f**king Coldplay in his garden as if everyone isn't on lockdown

A NEIGHBOUR is playing Coldplay at full blast in his garden just as if the whole street were not at home with the windows open, unable to escape.

Woman can't remember how makeup works

A WOMAN about to have her first virtual date has realised that she cannot remember how to do that make-up thing she used to do.

Lockdown restrictions relaxed for anyone in desperate need of a shag

THE government has announced that from today, an exception to lockdown and social distancing rules will be made for anyone seriously gagging for it.

Putting on weight and four other hot trends for this summer

THE coronavirus has altered lifestyles so drastically that sitting around in a grubby bathrobe eating cake all day is now de rigueur. But how else will lockdown shape the hot trends for this summer?

Families with gardens as f**ked as everyone else if it rains

FAMILIES who have been smugly enjoying their outdoor space are just as f**ked as the rest of Britain as soon as the weather is bad.

'Should I join TikTok?' and four other quarantine red flags

IN these difficult locked down times, it’s important to make sure you haven't completely lost your mind without even realising it. Here are some of the biggest warning signs to watch out for.

Are you horny because it's springtime or because you've been trapped at home for weeks?

EVERYBODY feels horny at the moment, but is it due to the sap rising and buds swelling or just because you haven’t had a shag for weeks on end?