The four types of freaks who are loving lockdown

LOCKDOWN? Thriving on it mate. Meet the four types of weirdo who actually like this.

'I'm still getting dressed every day' says absolute psychopath

A DERANGED psychopath is still wearing a different outfit every day for the benefit of literally nobody.

Doing the conga, and five other things that are down 100 per cent

BEEN at a party and grabbed the hips of the last person in line to join the joyous conga kicking its way past recently? Of course not. And all these things are also gone.

Five weekend getaways you can enjoy from your home

IS self-isolation getting you down? Get away from it all with these weekend break destinations you can enjoy at home.

Veganism and six other things that aren't really happening right now

THE last month has been a bonfire of high-minded intentions in the face of reality. So what have you given up on?

How to pretend you're not shitting yourself in the supermarket

DOES every trip to the supermarket to buy essentials fill you with terror? Here’s how to pretend you have nerves of steel.

Wife in race against time to locate and destroy guitar

A WOMAN is desperately searching the house to find her husband’s acoustic guitar and destroy it before he remembers it exists.

Humans more excited for walkies than dogs

THE owners of dogs are now more excited than their pets about the prospect of walkies.

Six things to do with your hands now you can't touch your face

SINCE coronavirus has put an end to the joy of touching your face 23 times an hour, here are six other things to do with your hands.

Second home owners admit they didn't know locals were real people

BRITONS who have fled to their second homes have confessed they had no idea that the locals they saw there were actual existing people.

'Let's enjoy life while we can', says woman about to infect nan with COVID-19

A WOMAN who believes in living life to the fullest will this week infect her 71-year-old grandmother with the coronavirus.

How to reject online invites when everyone knows you're always at home

VIDEO conferencing means it’s easy to feel close to the ones you’re missing. But what about the ones you’re not missing, who are constantly inviting you to hang out online? Here are five fail-safe excuses to dodge them.