A MAN who has had a tough week is urgently searching for something he can buy himself to cheer himself up.
THOUSANDS are self-styled 'foodies' are trumpeting their ability to orally process nutrients, it has emerged.
A COUPLE have relocated to a smaller house to be in the catchment area of an outstanding Waitrose, they have confirmed.
A FAMILY who bought a tent to save money have been forced to blow their life savings on all the fucking equipment you need to go with it.
YOUR body might be telling you it urgently needs to go to the bathroom, but sometimes it’s just too much hassle. Here’s how to put it off like the lazy bastard you are.
A SPIDER plant is fed up of spending its life in a damp room where people go to the bog.
BLONDE men have been officially advised not to experiment with facial hair for the safety and happiness of those who must look at them.
WHAT is showing someone your record collection except a chance to prove you’re better than them? Here are some ways to really be a wanker about it.
A COUPLE who went on holiday to New York are making sure everyone knows they stayed in the ‘coolest’ area, Brooklyn.
A FRIEND has actually written a personal message on the gift bag containing her pal’s birthday present, confirming herself to be a a total arsehole.
AN artisan bakery is making middle class people behave as if it were dispensing a heroin-like substance.
A MAN has still not achieved his life’s goal of owning a ride-on lawnmower and a garden big enough to use it, he has confessed.