Lifestyle

Astrology fan perplexed she can't get boyfriend

A WOMAN who is a strong believer in astrology cannot understand why her strange supernatural belief system has not led to a lasting relationship.

The middle class parents' guide to making the holidays 'educational'

ARE you aspirational parents who think the summer holidays should be a gruelling educational experience? Here’s how to make your kids cleverer than their friends.

Are you edgy or just desperately seeking attention?

ARE you genuinely edgy, deep and enigmatic or is it a thinly veiled attempt to get attention? Take our test and find out.

Nonconformist couple living off home-grown veg and parent-grown inheritance

A COUPLE are totally independent thanks to food they grow themselves and money they inherited from their families.

'You can have it all' confirms man who squeezed in two w*nks before work

MEN can 'have it all' according to a 38-year-old who managed to masturbate twice before work.

The six tricks to sleeping through a heatwave

IT’S boiling hot, you’re sticky and total b*stards keep driving past in their noisy cars. Try getting a cool seven hours with these tips. 

Woman not sure whether she's wet herself or just really sweaty

A WOMAN driving in the heatwave is so sweaty she is wondering whether it is possible she might have actually p*ssed herself. 

Five things to be a pedantic tw*t about

DO you feel the need to argue obscure points that genuinely intelligent people don’t waste their time with? Here are some great things to bang on about.

D*ckhead tooth fairy forgot kid's tooth

A SIX-year-old girl was left distraught after the d*ckhead tooth fairy went to the pub and forgot to take her tooth.

Thirtysomething thought everyone was joking about having a pension

A MAN in his mid-30s thought all his mates were joking about having pension plans, he has admitted.

The six best ways to keep children amused for six whole f**king weeks

SIX weeks is longer than you get off in a year, but for anyone aged between four and 16 it’s just summer. Here’s how to keep them busy.

Man committed to reaching ticket machine without opening car door

A DRIVER is committed to reaching a car park ticket machine without leaving his car or opening the door, no matter the cost.