Lifestyle

People in bullshit jobs experiencing existential crisis

PEOPLE in jobs that are total bollocks are wondering if they have wasted their lives, they have confirmed.

Five shitty places for holidaying in Britain now you can't go abroad

WITH the coronavirus making summer holidays abroad unlikely, here are five shitty places you can choose to visit in Britain instead.

Woman pretending to be relaxed about shoes on or off

A WOMAN is pretending to be relaxed about whether guests should keep their shoes on at the front door or take them off.

Are you an unbearable control freak?

YOU'VE heard people mutter that you’re a 'control freak fun vacuum' but you think you just want things to be nice. So which is it?

Woman who 'journals' daily still full of self-indulgent shit

A WOMAN who spends 30 minutes a day writing her thoughts into a journal is still full of self-indulgent crap for all the remaining hours.

Parent stuck in trance after reading The Gruffalo 300 times

A FATHER who has read The Gruffalo every night for almost a year is now trapped in a trance with a thousand-yard stare.

Teenage boys 'worst affected by toilet paper crisis'

PUBESCENT boys desperate for a hand-shandy are bearing the brunt of the toilet paper shortage, it has emerged.

Lush 'only brand that can be smelled from space'

ASTRONAUTS on the International Space Station have confirmed that the odour of a Lush shop can be detected 250 miles above the Earth’s surface.

Can't sleep? How to make sure your partner f**king well knows about it

DRIVING yourself mad trying to get to sleep? Why suffer alone? Here’s how to broadcast your insomnia to whoever shares your bed.

The five 'micro habits' of insufferably smug people

DO you love self-righteously explaining to people how their life would be less of a mess if they made small changes every day? Share these tips with them.

Middle-class families panic-buying board games

MIDDLE-CLASS families have cleared the shelves of cerebral board games as the coronavirus panic continues.

Woman spends weekend on phone seeing what other people are doing

A WOMAN is spending the whole weekend watching what friends and acquaintances are doing this weekend, via her phone.