EMPTY-NESTER parents have told their adult children not to move back home because they never liked them and they were a mistake.
A MAN has convinced his wife that they need to upgrade their car with his automotive soothsayer abilities.
GETTING into a tub of tepid water with another human being always results in disappointment, a couple have confirmed.
A MAN doing that balancing thing on his bike at the traffic lights does not want you to look at him because he is ‘doing it for practical reasons’.
A GROUP of middle class students are terribly excited to 'do' some weed, it has been confirmed.
A TWAT has announced that a single day is not enough for his birthday.
Splaintard: Someone who explains something in a way that makes it clear that they themselves do not understand it because they’re stupid.
A WOMAN who liberally douses herself in awful perfume is leaving an invasive trail of scent on everyone she touches, it has emerged.
A RECORD collector who sees a noticeable difference between 'Near Mint' and 'Very Good' is destined to always be alone, it has been confirmed.
A VEGAN birthday cake is just a pile of flour tinged with disappointment and sadness, it has been confirmed.
EXPENSIVE technical wear has turned mild-mannered ramblers into delusional maniacs unable to tell the difference between good and bad, it has been confirmed.
A WOMAN has unveiled plans to spend a delightful weekend curled up in an armchair reading a massive book about shagging.