A MAN who has just snorted a line of cocaine has confirmed that the drug is ‘fucking brilliant’ and that tomorrow can look after itself.
A MAGAZINE in a doctor's waiting room has taken its reader back to happier times before Brexit, vape juice and compulsory recycling.
A CYCLIST has set a new personal best in how quickly he can tell someone he is into cycling even though they are not interested.
A TATTOO artist has had the disturbing thought that every customer looks worse, not better, after visiting him.
A LOSING Lotto scratchcard has been stared at for an additional 20 seconds on the chance that the buyer mistook £200 for £5,000 at first glance.
A WOMAN who spends all of her free time sewing, baking and ballroom dancing would make the Suffragettes turn in their graves.
DO you think doing American things makes you interestingly ‘on trend’ and not just an ostentatious wanker? Here are some suggestions.
A MAN who spent a huge amount of money on a new BMW could have got an actual penis extension for a fraction of the price.
A COUPLE who want a carefree, relaxed wedding everyone can enjoy in their own way also have a stringent set of requirements for guests.
A MIDDLE-CLASS woman reported missing by her family has been found buried under an avalanche of throw pillows in her own home.
THE birds are chirping, the buds are appearing on the trees, so it must be time to throw away every single one of the possessions holding you own.
A MAN receiving a haircut has confirmed he will nod appreciatively when the barber asks unless he has lost his entire ear.