Lifestyle

Cafe owner would prefer invasion of bikers than middle-class mums

THE chaos and disruption of an invasion of middle-class mums and their spoilt children makes a Hell’s Angels rampage look like nothing, a cafe owner has claimed.

Woman thinks she has automatic right to see anyone’s new kitchen

A WOMAN believes she has the God-given right to see any new kitchen that has been installed even if she barely knows the householders in question.

Colleague with no children who took three holidays last year thinks he’s close to burnout

A SINGLE man with no responsibilities and lots of disposable income believes he is more stressed than everyone else in his office.

You will end up in the bin, cheese tells newly arrived vegetables

A BLOCK of cheddar has told the fresh ingredients for a healthy meal they will be ignored for two weeks before going in the bin.

Grandmother doing whatever the f**k she wants 


A GRANDMOTHER has confirmed that she has reached an age where socially accepted standards of behaviour no longer apply to her.

Man trying to convince wife he needs a flamethrower

A MAN is desperately trying to convince his wife that he needs to spend £500 on a 'compact' flamethrower.  

Woman who 'loves hoovering' will never be able to hoover away her terrible secret

A WOMAN who claims she ‘loves hoovering’ is trying to erase something deeply sinister from her past, her husband suspects.

Job interviewer pretends neck-tattooed dickhead has a chance

A JOB interviewer was forced to pretend a candidate with a tattoo on his neck was just like any other candidate.

Wife delighted to discover husband ended up in nightclub

A WIFE was thrilled to discover her husband ended up in a club after a few post-work drinks escalated to drug taking and dance music, it has emerged.

Man who likes airports would be okay with fascism

A MAN who has no problem going through airport security would thrive under the Nazis, his friends have claimed.

Woman goes on mini break while her husband has a shit

A WOMAN is enjoying a long weekend in Barcelona while her husband does his morning shit.

Jubilation as ex-banker’s artisan tearoom in Cotswolds goes tits up

THERE was unconfined joy as an ex-banker relocated from London to the countryside only to see his venture fail within six months.