Man with stupidly expensive BMW wishing he'd just got a penis extension

A MAN who spent a huge amount of money on a new BMW could have got an actual penis extension for a fraction of the price.

Couple plan fun wedding with strict non-negotiable rules

A COUPLE who want a carefree, relaxed wedding everyone can enjoy in their own way also have a stringent set of requirements for guests.

Missing middle-class woman found under throw pillow avalanche

A MIDDLE-CLASS woman reported missing by her family has been found buried under an avalanche of throw pillows in her own home.

Spring is here and it's time to throw away everything you own!

THE birds are chirping, the buds are appearing on the trees, so it must be time to throw away every single one of the possessions holding you own.

Man will approve haircut unless an ear has been cut off

A MAN receiving a haircut has confirmed he will nod appreciatively when the barber asks unless he has lost his entire ear.

How to tell people you don't want sodding children

DO friends with kids try to make you feel like a failure for not having any? Here’s how to explain without just saying “because they’re fucking annoying”.

Lower middle class bellend aspiring to be upper middle class twat

A LOWER middle class man has made it his ambition to move up the social ladder but still be a twat.

What to do if you're Welsh

IT’S easy to try and ignore being Welsh, but it won’t go away. Here’s how to confront the issue head-on and emerge a stronger Welsh person.

Are you f**king knackered?

ARE you the most tired person in your office, marriage or possibly the world? Take our quiz if you can summon up the strength.

Dicking around with musical instruments 'most annoying sound in world'

SOMEONE tinkering with a musical instrument but not actually playing it is the most annoying sound known to humans, research has confirmed.

Five ways to get to sleep when two bottles of Merlot isn't cutting it

DO you struggle to sleep at night and booze just perks you up so you can fret about not being asleep? Here are some alternative ideas to help you nod off.

Homegrown weed shit again

A MAN’S homegrown weed has turned out to be absolutely unsmokeable crap yet again, his friends have confirmed.