Lifestyle

Mum praises kids for decorating tree while thinking 'what a f**king mess'

A WOMAN is inwardly seething over the colossal disaster her children have made of decorating the Christmas tree.

Couple who always buy real Christmas tree still pretending it's a good idea

A COUPLE who buy a real tree every Christmas are still insisting it is not a ridiculous pain in the arse.

Couple pathetically claim to be 'into hotels'

A COUPLE have made the sickening claim that their hobby is staying in boutique hotels.

Why is it so hard to buy a flat in a cool area of this incredibly expensive city?

ALL I want are the same things my parents wanted - a good job, a partner and a two-bedroom live/work space in a nice area of the world’s third-richest city.

Man who claims ‘I’m a bit of a night owl,’ actually just a lazy twat

A LAZY bastard who stays in bed until 12pm has claimed it is because he is a ‘night owl’.

Father of small children mysteriously takes 45 minutes in bathroom at weekends

A FATHER-OF-TWO able to complete a trip to the bathroom in under five minutes during the week inexplicably needs three-quarters of an hour at weekends.

Waitrose shoppers 'thrilled' to have excuse to go to Poundland

WAITROSE devotees going to Poundland to 'get rid of their old pound coins' have declared themselves to be 'utterly thrilled'.

Millennials drinking less than their parents did because pints aren't 40p

BRITONS born between 1984 and 2000 drink less alcohol than previous generations because it costs more than a fiver to get shitfaced, research has found.

Men to finally be told what a 'pumpkin spice latte' is

IN a major concession, women have finally agreed to tell men what a 'pumpkin spice latte' actually is.

Restaurant couple cheated on by waiter who was just as friendly to other diners

A COUPLE in a restaurant were betrayed by a waiter who was just as warm and friendly to some other people, it has emerged.

Everyone in yoga class pretending to ignore all the flatulence

ALL the participants in a yoga class are casually pretending that everyone is not constantly breaking wind, it has emerged.

'Cosplay not just fancy dress' says man dressed as Chewbacca or maybe some kind of hairy elf

A MAN who spends his weekends dressing up as some sort of sci-fi chipmunk creature has defended the practice.