Lifestyle

Woman who asked for 'civilised' hen do realises she's made a terrible mistake

A WOMAN who told friends organising her hen do that she did not want anything involving penis straws, sashes or getting absolutely sh*tfaced is regretting her actions.

Man worried he has never had a fight

A MAN is worried he will probably die without ever having had a proper fist fight. 

Five bullsh*t old wives' tales idiots still believe in

DO you have an intellectually challenged friend or relative who absolutely will not give up their belief that carrots give you night vision? Here is some other rubbish to ignore.

The middle class family's guide to working class holiday resorts

EVEN the most middle class families sometimes have no choice but to visit a horrendous British seaside town. Here’s how to survive the experience.

Parents reassure themselves their children won't want to play with them forever

A COUPLE with young children are comforting themselves that one day their kids will not even want to be in the same room as them.

The ars*hole neighbour's guide to holding a garden party

HAVING a garden party? Keen on maximising aggravation to your neighbours? Here’s how.

How to slim down for summer in a batsh*t insane way

HAVE you run out of time to get slim for summer? Here are some weight-loss tips that are even more unhinged than the usual nonsense.

Book of baby names includes all the made-up ones

A COUPLE looking through a book of baby names have complained that it includes unacceptable choices like Titty, Krane, Marlboro and McGeorge.

New parents find time for what they love as long as it can be done asleep on toilet

PARENTS of a newborn have found they are still able to pursue their passions at 3am seated on the toilet.

Ars*holes make guests take their shoes off

A TOTAL ars*hole couple demand that everyone remove their shoes before entering their home.

Duck fed on sourdough becoming unbearable

A DUCK that is only eating sourdough bread has turned into a right bellend, it has been confirmed.

'Quick, easy' recipe from Guardian still being prepared eight days later

A COUPLE who tried to make a 'fast, easy mid-week supper recipe' from the Guardian recipe are still cooking it almost eight days later.