Lifestyle

Woman who knows she has no money still shocked when card is declined

A WOMAN who was aware her bank account was empty was still somehow shocked when her card was rejected.

Which painfully middle-class holiday are you booking?

ARE you planning a holiday that really establishes your middle-class credentials? Read our guide to the most pretentious breaks.  

Confident bastard loves dancing

A CONFIDENT prick actually enjoys spontaneously jerking his body around to music while other people watch, it has emerged.

Random things you can wear on your feet that are better than flip-flops

FLIP-FLOPS are shit. Plastic bags held on with elastic bands would look more stylish and keep your feet cleaner. So what other things could you use?

Man desperately in need of a real man about the house

A MAN has decided he needs a real man to come and live with him to make up for his shortcomings as a male.

Quiz: Do you live to work, work to live, or just half-arse both?

THE work-life balance is the key issue of our age, but is it possible to get through without really putting the effort into either? Take our quiz.  

'Sound of the summer' is bastard neighbour's hedge trimmer

BRITAIN’S neighbours intend to trim their hedges relentlessly until Autumn, they have announced.

Man keeps hitting snooze button like an idiot

A MAN never just gets up and instead hits snooze on his clock radio until the last possible moment before he has to go to work.

Man's first meditation session instantly derailed by erection

A MAN'S first attempt to find a more spiritual way of life was scuppered by the almost instantaneous arrival of an erection.

Woman who makes pouty face has no idea she looks like an idiot

A WOMAN who has pulled the same pouty face in every mirror and photograph for the last 14 years has no idea she looks idiotic.

Night out dangerously close to happening

A MAN who accidentally agreed to a night out with friends is terrifyingly close to having to actually go through with it, he has confessed.

Idyllic life on canal boat actually massive pain in the arse

LIVING on a boat appears relaxed but actually involves things like emptying a big box of your own excrement on a regular basis, it has emerged.