Live with your parents until you're 50: how to quickly save a house deposit

NEED to scrape together a whopping great deposit for a house? Save tens of thousands of pounds instantly with these tips.

Are you planning to go on holiday this year or stay alive?

YOU want a holiday, but on the other hand you might die and infect lots of other people in the process. It’s quite the dilemma. Take our quiz and see if you should go.

How to move to the country and not turn Tory

SWAPPING urban life for the slow pace of the country? Worried that the bracing scent of fresh manure will make you right-wing?

Too many or not enough: how many sexual partners have you had?

HOW many people you’ve shagged exactly equates to your worth as a human. Rate yourself on our scale to find out if you are a sexual failure or an amoral slag.

Garden birdwatching and other parent-child activities parents will finish alone

YOU’VE got the children: everyone else has got ludicrous ideas about entertaining them. Here are a few activities your kids will abandon well before the end.

Tool belt

Man gets into DIY just to wear tool belt and feel like Batman

A MAN'S tool purchases were made in the pretence of doing DIY when he really plans to wear a tool belt like Batman.

Your parents' patronising guide to sorting out your finances

HELLO darling. We know you’ve been strapped for cash recently, what with losing your job due to Covid. But rather than give you some money, let’s explore all your avenues.

Woman struggling to think of baby names goes on the IKEA website

A PREGNANT woman who cannot think of a baby name has resorted to looking at the names of furniture and lamps on the IKEA website.

Six things that used to be piss-easy but now you're middle aged

HAVE you noticed that certain things are a lot more difficult now you’re past the age of 40? Here are some common problems and how to beat them.

What to do with all the space inside your massive f**king car: a guide for SUV owners

DRIVING around in a small motorised bungalow? You might be struggling to fill the cavernous space around you. Try these solutions...

How to imagine you had an amazing social life before lockdown

LOCKDOWN has left millions of Britons imagining they previously had busy, thrilling social lives, instead of dicking about on their phones. Here’s how to keep up the pretence.

Five other challenge months for wankers

VEGANUARY over? Back on the booze? Looking to enliven lockdown by setting yourself a fresh challenge? Put these on the calendar.