Lifestyle

Women commit to rewilding 75 per cent of their leg hair

THE women of the UK have pledged to restore the natural ecosystem of their legs this winter.

Five items you already regret buying on Amazon Prime Day

BRITONS have eagerly been buying unnecessary tat in the Amazon Prime sale. But which useless purchases are you going to regret most when you can’t afford food in a week's time? 

Man's day ruined after petrol pump shows £50.01

A MAN will be in a foul mood for the rest of the day after his slow trigger finger left him paying for £50.01 of petrol.

Woke eco-warrior has secret Amazon Prime account

A WOMAN who exhorts everyone to shop locally, live sustainably and put the planet first has a secret Amazon Prime account.

Daily alcohol limits not really working for us, say drinkers 

RECOMMENDED daily limits on alcohol are really not doing it for us, drinkers have confirmed.

Gender party reveals foetus as 'boy' and parents as 'twats'

A GENDER reveal party has confirmed the sex of a baby and the utter twattishness of his parents, friends and family have confirmed.  

The Flat Earth Society's guide to going on holiday

IF there is one thing we can all agree on in these uncertain times, it’s that the Earth is a big flat circle. Here’s how to enjoy a holiday on our massive floating disc.

Giving an erotic massage and other activities you'll regret 30 seconds after starting

MANY things in life seem like a brilliant idea to begin with before almost immediately becoming tedious, painful and irritating. Here are some to avoid.

The middle class twat's guide to buying drugs

DO you fancy a toot of coke to liven up a party but have no idea how to purchase anything stronger than paracetamol? Here’s what to do.

Pigeons and four other things kids are annoyingly obsessed with

KIDS have any number of things to entertain themselves with, but they’ll come back to the same tedious obsessions until you never want to see a T-Rex again. Here are some of them. 

Lads religiously paying in £20 a month for stag do they all know will be shit

TWENTY grown men are irrationally continuing monthly payments towards a stag do they know will be f**king horrific.

Don't make us go drinking in the Midlands, say Northerners

NORTHERNERS have pleaded with the government not to force them to go out on the lash in the Midlands.