Lifestyle

New father awakes with ability to pack car boot perfectly

A NEW father has awoken with the ability to pack a car boot perfectly.

Cheeky bastards asking for help with renovations want friends to be their slaves

A COUPLE asking friends to ‘pitch in’ with their home improvements essentially want their friends to be unpaid slave labour.

Inspirational drivel to post on Facebook then do the opposite of

DO you wish you were less of a loser but prefer putting inspirational messages on Facebook to actually doing something about it? Here are some mantras just for you!

'I'm happy for you' actually means 'No I'm f**king not'

PEOPLE are never telling the truth when they claim to be happy for you, research has confirmed.

Glamping just like staying in luxury hotel but you also crap in a hole

GLAMPING is exactly like staying at a posh hotel except you have to defecate into a hole in the ground, it has emerged.

Parents with small children going on holiday because they're insane

PARENTS with toddlers are leaving under their own volition for a summer holiday of nerve-shredding anxiety because they are out of their minds.

Arsehole bouncer 'there to make sure everyone enjoys themselves'

A NIGHTCLUB bouncer who enjoys intimidating people and pinning them to the floor is just there to make sure they have a good night out, he has claimed.

Woman too aroused by man's soothing voice on meditation app to concentrate

A WOMAN trying to use a meditation app is too aroused by the man’s soothing voice to be in any way relaxing.