Lifestyle

Middle class family gagging to dig out wooden sleigh

A BOURGEOIS family is desperate for it to start snowing so they can show off their vintage wooden sleigh.

Couple genuinely serious about going to midnight mass

A SEEMINGLY normal couple have confirmed they are actually going to midnight mass.

Four gifts that say 'I don't give a sh*t'

ARE you planning to give presents that clearly required no thought or effort to people you don’t really care about?

Middle-class family going to Bali for Christmas admit it'll still be shite

A FAMILY heading to Bali for Christmas have admitted that they will still have a horrible time resenting each other despite the sun.

It's time to stop d*cking about with your ankles out now, hipsters told

HIPSTERS who are still wearing shoes without socks have been told to pack it in because it is winter and they look like twats.

Deluded friends still believe they can meet before Christmas

A GROUP of deluded halfwits still believes, with a week to go until Christmas Day, that they will all find time to meet beforehand.

Council house covered in Christmas lights daring you to say something

A COUNCIL house absolutely festooned in flashing Christmas decorations is goading passers-by into voicing prejudiced thoughts.

Six Christmas gifts for the gammon in your life

WONDERING what to get that relative who’s a permanently angry fanatical Brexiter? Look no further – here’s the perfect selection!

Uruguay easier to get to than other side of London

A LONDONER has explained to friends that it would be easier to attend a party in South America than theirs on the other side of London.

How to let yourself go without anyone noticing

WINTER is the perfect time to let yourself go. But how can you do it without too many people noticing? Here’s our guide.

Have you been burgled or have you just hosted a 'play date'?

IF your home has been turned over it could be a burglary or you may have hosted a 'play date' for four-year-olds. Take our test and find out.

How working-class are your Christmas decorations?

THERE’S a fine line between decorating your home tastefully for the festive season and outing yourself as a tasteless pleb. Our guide tells you what is acceptable.