Lifestyle

Five ways to join in the leg-washing 'debate' even though it's idiotic

MANY people have admitted they don’t wash their legs in the shower, sparking a furious Twitter ‘debate’. Here are some handy comments to help you join in.

Millennial resigns herself to having 'plant babies'

A WOMAN who cannot afford to buy a house and fill it with children has decided to become the 'mum' of her houseplants instead.

Global warming is excellent, sunbather tells other morons

A WOMAN has actually told her friends that climate change is fine because she has already got a tan in May.

Middle-class family struggling to outdo themselves

AN extremely middle-class family are struggling to outdo themselves with ostentatious displays of middle-classness.

Londoners spend every weekend pretending to live in different bit of London

A LONDON couple spend all their weekends claiming to live in a nearby but better part of London, their friends have confirmed.

Your guide to pretending you haven't farted

DO you sometimes let slip a vile fart in the office or other embarrassing situation? Here’s how to get away with it.

Parents aware 'family fun' pool session is large bath full of piss

ANY parent teaching their child to swim is fully aware that the shallow pool they must get into is basically a massive vat of toddler urine.

'Making memories' confirmed to be same thing as 'existing'

PEOPLE who claim they are ‘making memories’ are just putting a twee spin on the endless drudgery of being alive, it has been confirmed.

Husband's laundry day enters second week

A HUSBAND’S ‘laundry day’ has yet again spiralled into a fortnight with him still to return his clothes to his wardrobe.

How to make your board games more middle class

BOARD games needn't be universal fun for everyone - with a few tweaks they can become painfully middle class! Here’s how.

How to make your city centre flat less terrifyingly claustrophobic

IS IT cool to live in the big city but only possible in a tiny flat? Here’s how to adjust to your Lilliputian living quarters.

Girlfriend putting copper jelly moulds on kitchen wall like a f**king looney

A MAN’S girlfriend has without warning nailed six vintage copper jelly moulds to the kitchen wall like a total fucking nutcase.